Alright, alright, let’s talk about them… you know… strangest sex positions. My old bones ain’t tried nothin’ fancy, but I heard things, you see. Folks these days, they got all sorts of ideas. Heard tell of somethin’ called “stand and carry.” Lordy, sounds like hard work to me! Imagine standin’ up and doin’… well, you know. My back would give out right quick!
Then there’s this talk about the “G-spot.” Never heard of such a thing back in my day. Seems like somethin’ them city folks made up. But they say there’s special ways, special… positions… to get to it. Sounds like a whole lot of fuss to me. Just gettin’ down to business, that’s what I always say. Nothin’ fancy needed.
And this “good vibes only” thing? Sounds like hippie talk to me. Like, as long as you’re smilin’, it don’t matter what you’re doin’. Well, I guess that’s true enough in some ways. But they say you can add this “good vibes” to any… how do they call it… sex position. Makes it sound like a recipe or somethin’. A pinch of this, a dash of that, and voila! You got yourself a good time.
Then there’s this “woman-on-top” business. Now that’s somethin’ new. Back in my day, the woman, she mostly… well, she mostly just laid there. But now they’re talkin’ about “taking control.” Callin’ it “cowgirl” and all sorts of names. Good for them, I guess. If they want to be on top, let ‘em be on top. Just don’t expect me to try it. My knees ain’t what they used to be.
I even heard some folks, them “adult performers” they call ‘em, talkin’ about positions that are just a bunch of hot air. Means they ain’t worth nothin’, all show and no go. Guess even fancy folks can get it wrong sometimes. Makes me feel a bit better about my simple ways.
One thing I heard that sounds plumb crazy is standin’ up with your leg on the other person’s shoulder. Like you’re some kinda circus act! They say it’s like laughin’ at danger, but I say it’s like askin’ for a broken hip. Some folks got too much energy, that’s for sure.
- Stand and Carry: Sounds like work, not pleasure.
- G-Spot Positions: Fussy and complicated. Just get on with it!
- Good Vibes Only: Hippie talk. Smiling is nice, but…
- Woman-on-Top: Good for them, but not for these old bones.
- Hype Positions: All show and no go, just like I thought.
- Standing with Leg Up: Plain crazy! Someone’s gonna get hurt.
So, there you have it. All these strangest sex positions. Sounds like a whole lot of trouble to me. Me? I’ll stick to the basics. Tried and true, that’s my motto. No need for fancy tricks when you got somethin’ good, right? And besides, at my age, just gettin’ out of bed in the mornin’ is enough of a physical challenge! You young folks can do what you want, but this old lady’s stickin’ to what she knows.
Remember, though, whatever you do, be safe and be respectful. That’s the most important thing, no matter what position you’re in. And don’t go breakin’ your back tryin’ to be fancy. Sometimes the simplest things are the best. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make myself a cup of tea. All this talk about… well, you know… has worn me out!
And another thing, all these positions and talk… it’s like they tryin’ to make somethin’ simple into somethin’ complicated. Like bakin’ a cake. You just need flour, sugar, eggs, and maybe a little bit of vanilla. You don’t need no fancy spices or exotic fruits to make a good cake. Same goes for… well, you know. Keep it simple, and you’ll be alright.
Anyways, that’s all I got to say on the matter. You young’uns do what you want, but don’t come cryin’ to me when you hurt yourselves tryin’ all them fancy moves. I’ll just be over here, sippin’ my tea and mindin’ my own business.
Tags: Sex positions, Strange positions, G-spot, Woman on top, Adult performers, Relationship, Intimacy
