Well, howdy there! Let’s talk about this here “state of the union” thing, but not the president kind, the kind between a man and a woman, you know, like them lovey-dovey folks, or sometimes not-so-lovey-dovey.
What in tarnation is a “State of the Union” for Couples?
Now, some fancy-pants fella, Mr. Gottman I think they call him, he’s been studyin’ couples, like, a whole bunch of ’em. He says it’s good to sit down and jaw about your relationship. You know, like, what’s workin’ and what ain’t. Kinda like checkin’ the oil in your pickup truck, gotta make sure everything’s runnin’ smooth.
I tell you what, in my day, we didn’t have no fancy words for it. We just, you know, talked. Or yelled. Mostly yelled, ha! But this Gottman fella, he’s got some ideas about how to do it better, so maybe it ain’t all just hogwash.
Why Bother with this “State of the Union” Stuff?
See, what happens is, little things start pilin’ up. He leaves his socks on the floor, she nags about the dishes, he forgets your birthday… again. Then, boom! You’re havin’ a big ol’ fight, slingin’ words like horseshoes. Or worse, you just stop talkin’ altogether, like two strangers livin’ under the same roof. That ain’t no good, y’hear?
This “state of the union” thing, it’s supposed to stop that from happenin’. It’s like, you’re catchin’ them little problems before they turn into a big ol’ mess. Like, pullin’ weeds in the garden before they take over the whole darn patch.
- Talkin’ and Listenin’, the Real Kind: Now, this ain’t just noddin’ your head and pretendin’ you’re listenin’ while you’re thinkin’ about what’s for supper. It’s about really hearin’ what your partner’s sayin’, even if it ain’t what you wanna hear. And it’s about sayin’ what’s on your mind, without beatin’ around the bush, but also without bein’ mean about it.
- Sayin’ Thanks, Even for the Little Things: You know, sometimes we forget to say “thank you” for the little things, like makin’ coffee or takin’ out the trash. But them little things, they matter. It’s like, waterin’ a plant, keeps it growin’ strong.
- Fussin’ it Out the Right Way: Look, you’re gonna disagree, that’s just life. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to fuss. Yellin’ and callin’ names ain’t gonna get you nowhere. You gotta try to understand where the other person’s comin’ from, even if you think they’re plumb crazy. It’s like two stubborn mules, gotta find a way to pull the wagon together, not in opposite directions.
How to Do This “State of the Union” Thing, Down Home Style
Alright, so how do you actually do this “state of the union” thing? Well, first off, you gotta set aside some time. No TV, no cell phones, just the two of you. Maybe put on some nice music, somethin’ that ain’t gonna make you wanna start dancin’ and forget what you’re talkin’ about.
Then, you start talkin’. What’s goin’ good? What ain’t? Be honest, but be kind. Remember, you’re on the same team, even if it don’t always feel like it.
Here’s some things you can talk about:
- What’s makin’ you happy?: What are the good things? Even if it’s just that he makes a good cup of coffee, or she always remembers to buy your favorite snacks. Tell ‘em!
- What’s buggin’ you?: This is where you gotta be brave. Tell ‘em what’s botherin’ you. But don’t just complain, try to say what you need, too. “It bugs me when you leave your socks on the floor. Could you please try to put them in the hamper?” See, that’s better than just yellin’ “You’re a slob!”
- What do you appreciate about them? : This is important. Tell your partner what you like about them. What you appreciate. It’s easy to forget to say the nice things when you are busy fussing.
- What can you do better?: Now, this is the tough part. You gotta look at yourself, too. What can you do better? Are you naggin’ too much? Are you not pullin’ your weight? Own up to your mistakes, and try to do better.
- What are your dreams for the future?: Talk about what you want for your future together. A trip, a new house, grandkids? Dreamin’ together can keep you close.
Keepin’ it Real
Now, this ain’t a one-time thing. You gotta keep doin’ it, regular-like. Maybe once a week, maybe once a month, whatever works for you. Just like you gotta keep weedin’ that garden, or it’ll go wild again.
And don’t expect it to be perfect. There’s gonna be times when you get frustrated, when you wanna just throw up your hands and say “forget it”. But don’t. Keep talkin’, keep listenin’, keep tryin’. ‘Cause a good relationship, well, it’s worth fightin’ for. It’s like a good quilt, takes time and effort, but it’ll keep you warm on a cold night.
So, there you have it. This “state of the union” thing ain’t so fancy after all. It’s just about talkin’, listenin’, and workin’ together to keep that love alive. And that, my friends, is somethin’ worth doin’.
Tags: [state of the union, couples communication, relationship advice, Gottman method, healthy conflict, active listening, validation, marriage tips, relationship problems, communication skills]
