Alright, let’s talk about this… this lube thing inside the condom, you know? Don’t go lookin’ at me all funny, it’s somethin’ everyone needs to know about, young and old, even if us old folks don’t use ‘em no more. Heard the young’uns talkin’ ‘bout it, and it ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of. It’s important, ya hear?
So, first off, most of them condoms you buy at the store, they already got some slippery stuff inside. That’s what they call “lube”. Makes things, well, smoother, you know? Less rubbin’ and tuggin’, if ya catch my drift. Less friction they say. If there ain’t enough, things can get… uncomfortable, like rubbin’ two dry sticks together, not good, not good at all.
- Now, some folks, they want even MORE lube. Maybe things are a little too…dry, or maybe they just like it that way. And that’s alright, ain’t nothin’ wrong with that. But you gotta be careful about what kind of lube you use.
- You see, some lubes, they can mess up the condom. Make it weak, make it break. And then, well, then what’s the point of usin’ the thing in the first place? Waste of money and… you know.
- They say the best kind to use is that silicone stuff. Silicone-based lube, that’s what they call it. Seems like it’s the safest for the condom, won’t break it down like some other lubes might.
Now, there are those condoms that don’t have any lube at all. Dry as a bone, they are. Some folks like ‘em for, well, you know, when they’re usin’ their mouth for… things. But they still work for other things too, down there. But if you’re usin’ them down there, you’ll definitely need to add some lube yourself. Otherwise, it’s gonna be like tryin’ to put a boot on a wet pig, ain’t gonna happen easy.
And listen here, this is important. You gotta treat them condoms right. Don’t leave ‘em sittin’ in the sun, like they’re gonna tan or somethin’. Sun’ll make ‘em weak and brittle, just like it does to us old folks. And don’t use old condoms neither, they get dry and crumbly. Check the date on the package, like you check the date on the milk, don’t want nothin’ spoiled now, do ya?
And when you’re puttin’ it on, make sure there ain’t no air trapped inside. Pinch the tip, they say. Leave some space at the end, they say, that little empty spot is important. Otherwise, it might bust, and then… well, then you got a whole heap of trouble, ain’t ya? And nobody wants a baby if they ain’t ready, those little tikes take a lot of work. Even grown-up tikes are a pain sometimes. Always wanting something.
So, to recap, ’cause I know some of you youngsters don’t listen too good. Most condoms got lube, but you can add more if you need it. Use the right kind of lube, that silicone stuff. Don’t use oil-based stuff or Vaseline, that’ll make the condom break. Take care of the condoms, don’t let ‘em get hot or old. And put ‘em on right, no air bubbles. And for goodness sake, don’t go re-using them, that’s just plain nasty and unsafe, like using an old rag to wipe your dishes.
It ain’t rocket science, folks. Just common sense. But sometimes common sense ain’t so common these days. So, listen to this old woman, I know a thing or two. Stay safe, be smart, and use your head… and the right kind of lube, of course.
And one more thing, if things feel scratchy or uncomfortable, or somethin’s burnin’ down there, stop what you’re doin’ and go see a doctor. Don’t be stubborn. It’s better to be safe than sorry, especially when it comes to your… you know… your privates.
Now, go on and spread the word, tell your friends and your cousins and your neighbors. Tell ‘em Old Bessie told ya, so they know it’s the truth. Safe sex is important and using condoms right, with the right lube, is part of that. That’s all I gotta say, now go on get outta here.
