So, I’ve been noticing something lately that’s been bugging me, and I figured I’d share it here ’cause, why not? It’s about my husband and his, uh, lack of emotional smarts. I mean, I love the guy, but sometimes it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall, you know?
It all started a few months back. I was having a rough day at work, nothing too crazy, just the usual stress. I came home, hoping to vent a bit and maybe get a hug. Instead, I got, “Well, did you try this or that?” Like, I get he was trying to help, but it wasn’t what I needed. I needed him to just listen and say, “That sucks, babe.”
And it’s not just that one time. He’s always trying to fix things instead of just, you know, feeling with me. We watched this sad movie the other night, and I was tearing up. He just looked at me, confused, and asked, “Why are you crying? It’s not real.” I was like, seriously? You’re missing the whole point!
I tried talking to him about it. I said, “Honey, sometimes I just need you to be there for me emotionally.” He said he understood, but then, the very next day, it was the same old story. I was upset about something, and he immediately jumped into problem-solving mode. Ugh, it’s frustrating!
I did some digging online, and I guess it’s a real thing. It’s called “low emotional intelligence.” They say these folks can’t control their emotions, and they don’t get what others are feeling. That’s him, all right!
- Unable to control their emotions
- Don’t get what others are feeling
So, what did I do? Well, I started with baby steps. When I needed emotional support, I was super clear about it. Like, “I don’t need solutions right now, just a listening ear.” It worked sometimes, but other times, he’d still slip up. It’s like he’s hardwired to fix things instead of just feeling them.
Then, I had an idea. I started pointing out moments when he was actually being emotionally intelligent. Like, when he noticed I was down and asked, “What’s wrong?” without trying to fix it right away, I’d say, “That’s it! That’s what I need more of.” Positive reinforcement, you know? It’s like training a puppy, haha, but hey, it seemed to be helping.
I also realized I needed to take care of myself, too. I can’t rely on him for all my emotional needs. So, I started leaning more on my friends and family. I have this one girlfriend who’s a total empath. She gets it. Talking to her always makes me feel better. It is really important for having a strong bond between us.
What did I do next?
Next, I am trying to encourage him to open up more about his own feelings. Maybe if he gets more in touch with his emotions, he’ll be better at understanding mine. It’s a long shot, but I’m willing to try.
It’s a work in progress, for sure. I am still learning how to handle it. Some days are better than others. But I’m not giving up. I’m hopeful that things will get better. We’ll see how it goes. I’ll keep you guys posted!
