Alright, alright, let’s talk about this “Gottman State of the Union” thing. Sounds fancy, but it ain’t rocket science, ya know? It’s just about keepin’ things good between you and your… well, your person. Like, the one you share your life with. Husband, wife, whatever you call ‘em.
So, this fella Gottman, he’s some smarty-pants who figured out how to make couples not wanna kill each other all the time. He says you gotta talk. Like, really talk. Not just gruntin’ at each other over breakfast or yellin’ about who didn’t take out the trash. You gotta sit down and actually listen. Imagine that!
- First thing’s first, you gotta stop fightin’ all the time. All that yappin’ and snappin’ don’t do nobody no good.
- Then you gotta get closer, like, be nice to each other again. Remember when you first met? You weren’t always grumpy, were ya?
- And if things feel stuck, like you’re just goin’ through the motions, you gotta shake things up. Find a way to make it feel new again.
- Most important, you gotta try to understand each other. Like, put yourself in their shoes. Maybe they’re tired of your complainin’ too! Just a thought.
Now, this “State of the Union” thing… it’s like a weekly check-in. Kinda like when the boss wants to know what you’ve been doin’ at work, only it’s about your relationship. You gotta set aside some time, just the two of ya, and talk. No kids yellin’, no TV blarin’, just you two. Maybe light a candle or somethin’ if you’re feelin’ fancy, but don’t go overboard. Ain’t nobody got time for fancy fussin’.
Okay, so here’s the deal. First, you gotta say nice things. Yeah, I know, sounds weird, right? Specially if you’ve been bickerin’ all week. But you gotta think hard and find five things, five little things your partner did that you liked. Like, maybe they made you coffee in the mornin’, or took out the trash without you havin’ to nag ‘em, or maybe they just smiled at ya real nice. It don’t gotta be big things. It’s the little things that count, ya know?
And don’t just say, “Oh, you took out the trash, thanks.” You gotta say somethin’ like, “I really appreciate you takin’ out the trash. It shows me you care and that you’re thinkin’ of me. You’re such a helpful person, always lookin’ out for me.” See the difference? You ain’t just thankin’ them, you’re tellin’ them why you appreciate it. You’re tellin’ ‘em what it means about them. It’s like tellin’ them they’re a good person, not just that they did a good thing.
Then you gotta talk about the stuff that ain’t so good. The things that are buggin’ ya. But you can’t just go blamin’ and yellin’. You gotta say how you feel. Like, instead of sayin’ “You never listen to me!”, you gotta say, “I feel like I’m not being heard sometimes, and it makes me feel sad.” It’s about how you feel, not what they did wrong. Big difference, see?
And then, you gotta listen. Like, really listen. Don’t just sit there thinkin’ about what you’re gonna say next. Try to understand what your partner is sayin’, how they’re feelin’. It ain’t easy, I know. Sometimes you just wanna scream, but you gotta bite your tongue and listen. That’s the secret to all of this, I reckon. Listening and tryin’ to see things from their point of view.
So, this “Gottman State of the Union” thing, it ain’t some magical cure-all. It’s just a way to talk, to listen, to try to make things better. It takes work, ya know? Relationships are like gardens, you gotta tend to ‘em, water ‘em, pull out the weeds. And sometimes you gotta have those tough conversations, the ones you don’t wanna have. But if you keep at it, if you keep talkin’ and listenin’, then maybe, just maybe, you can make things last. And that’s worth all the trouble, ain’t it? After all, nobody wants to be lonely, not even an old woman like me. We all need somebody.
And remember, don’t expect things to change overnight. It takes time, like a good stew simmerin’ on the stove. You gotta be patient, keep workin’ at it, and eventually, things will get better. Or at least, that’s what that smarty-pants Gottman says. And he seems to know a thing or two, so it’s worth a try, I guess.
This whole thing, this talkin’ and listenin’, it ain’t just for young folks either. It’s for everyone. Been married fifty years? Good for you, but you still gotta talk. You still gotta listen. ‘Cause even after all that time, things can still go sour if you don’t pay attention. So, sit down with your person, have a cup of coffee, and talk. You might be surprised what you learn.
And don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Sometimes, you just can’t do it alone. There’s folks out there who can help you learn how to talk, how to listen, how to make things better. Ain’t no shame in that. We all need a little help sometimes. So there you have it. The “Gottman State of the Union” explained as simple as I can make it. Now go on and talk to your person.
