Alright, let’s talk about this… this… “gottman four horsemen” thing. Sounds fancy, like somethin’ from the city, but it’s just about how folks fight, you know? Like when your man leaves his dirty socks on the floor… again.
First off, they got this “Criticism” thing. Now, I ain’t talkin’ ’bout sayin’ “Honey, could ya maybe pick up yer socks?” Naw, this is the mean kind. This is like sayin’, “You’re such a lazy slob, always leavin’ yer mess everywhere! You never think about nobody but yerself!” See the difference? One’s just talkin’ ’bout the socks, the other’s callin’ the whole man a slob. That ain’t right.
And how ya fix it? Well, don’t go accusin’ and blamin’. Start gentle, you know? Like, “Hey, I feel kinda frustrated when I see the socks on the floor. Could we maybe find a spot for ’em?” See? Talkin’ ’bout how you feel, not how he is a bad person.
Then there’s this “Contempt” business. This is worse than just plain ol’ gripin’. This is when you start lookin’ down on your man, like he’s somethin’ the cat dragged in. You roll your eyes, you sneer, you make fun of him. It’s like you think you’re better than him. I seen folks do this, and let me tell ya, it ain’t pretty. It makes a person feel small, like they ain’t worth nothin’. This kinda thing, this contempt, this is poison for any relationship. It eats away at the love until there ain’t nothin’ left but bitterness.
And the fix? Well, you gotta start showin’ some appreciation. Remember why you fell for that man in the first place. Tell him what you like about him. Say “thank you” when he does somethin’ nice. Little things go a long way. Find somethin’ good in him, even when you’re mad. ‘Cause everybody has some good in ‘em, even that lazy man leavin’ his socks on the floor.
- Start gentle, don’t attack
- Talk about your feelings, not his character
- Show some appreciation, find the good
Next up is “Defensiveness.” This is when you get called out on somethin’ and instead of listenin’, you start makin’ excuses. “It wasn’t me, it was the dog!” or “Well, you do it too!” It’s like you’re buildin’ a wall around yerself, not lettin’ any of the blame in. But ya know, sometimes you gotta own up to yer mistakes. It ain’t always the other fella’s fault.
So, how ya stop bein’ so defensive? Well, you gotta listen, really listen, to what the other person is sayin’. Try to see it from their side. And if you did somethin’ wrong, just say sorry. It ain’t the end of the world to admit you ain’t perfect. Nobody is.
And last but not least, they got “Stonewalling.” This is when you just shut down. You don’t talk, you don’t look at ’em, you just become a brick wall. It’s like you’re tryin’ to disappear, hopin’ the problem will just go away. But it won’t. It’ll just sit there and fester, makin’ things worse.
Now, how you gonna fix stonewalling? You gotta learn to stay present, even when things get tough. Take a deep breath, calm yerself down. And if you need a break, tell your man you need a minute to cool off. Don’t just go silent. Then come back and talk it out. It ain’t easy, but it’s better than buildin’ that wall.
So, there ya have it. The “four horsemen” and what ya gotta do about ‘em. It ain’t rocket science. It’s just about treatin’ each other with a little respect and kindness. You know, like your mama taught ya. And maybe, just maybe, if folks did a little more of that, there’d be a whole lot less fightin’ and a whole lot more lovin’ in this world. And maybe, them socks would finally get picked up off the floor.
Remember, relationships ain’t always easy. It takes work, but it’s worth it. These “gottman” fellas might have fancy names for it, but it all boils down to the same thing: treatin’ each other right. And if you can do that, well, then you’re on the right track.
Relationships are hard work, y’all, but they’re worth fightin’ for. Just gotta fight fair, that’s all.
