Okay, let’s talk about something heavy today – giving up in marriage. It’s not a topic anyone enjoys, but it’s real, and it’s something I’ve been wrestling with lately.
It all started with these little things, you know? Small irritations that, on their own, weren’t a big deal. Like, him leaving his socks on the floor, or me always being the one to initiate conversations. I tried to brush them off, thinking, “Every couple has their quirks.” But over time, these tiny things started to build up, like a wall between us.
Then I started to think, “Is this it? Is this all there is to our marriage?” I began to feel like we were just roommates, going through the motions but not really connecting. We used to talk for hours, but now, it felt like pulling teeth to get a conversation going.
- I tried to talk to him about it.
- I really did.
But it was like he didn’t even hear me, or maybe he just didn’t care. I felt so alone, even when he was right there beside me.
One day, I stumbled upon an article online. It was titled something like, “How do you know your marriage is over?” Reading it felt like a punch to the gut. Every point resonated with me, like the writer had been spying on our lives. It was scary how accurate it was.
- There was this checklist that detailed how to know when to let go.
I went through it, nodding along with each point. It was like a wake-up call, a realization that things weren’t just “going through a rough patch.” They were fundamentally broken. We spent hours together, but we never talked. It was as if he didn’t know what to say and had become a stranger. This really made me uncomfortable.
Next, I started to think about the practical stuff. You know, the things you don’t want to think about but have to. I started looking into our finances, trying to figure out how things would work if we separated. It was overwhelming and depressing, but it was something I had to do. I started working on the financial organization at the same time as I continued to communicate with him, but communication was still very difficult.
The hardest part was accepting that it was okay to let go.
It felt like admitting defeat, like I had failed at the most important thing in my life. But then I realized that staying in a marriage that was making me miserable wasn’t winning either. It was just prolonging the pain. Finally, I decided that I couldn’t go on like this anymore, I took the step and filed for divorce. It felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders.
This whole process has been a rollercoaster. It’s been messy, it’s been painful, and it’s been incredibly lonely. But through it all, I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I need to be happy. I’m not going to say that I’ve learned all the lessons through this process, but at least I’m free and I can start to find myself.
So, here I am, sharing my story, not because I have all the answers, but because I know I’m not alone.
And if you’re going through something similar, I want you to know that you’re not alone either.
