Easy Homemade Flesh Light: A Quick How-To Guide.

Well now, let me tell ya somethin’ about makin’ your own… uh… “flesh light.” I ain’t no expert, mind you, but I heard some things and seen some stuff, and I reckon I can explain it to ya in plain English.

First off, why would ya wanna make one of these things at home? I guess some folks don’t wanna go buyin’ ’em at the store, maybe it’s cheaper this way, or maybe they just like doin’ things themselves. Whatever the reason, it ain’t my place to judge. You do what you gotta do.

Now, from what I gather, you gotta get yourself some stuff. Some kinda soft, squishy material, I reckon. Like, somethin’ that feels… well, you know… good. I heard tell of folks usin’ sponges, or even them foam things they put in packages to keep stuff from breakin’. Anything soft and kinda… fleshy, I guess. Don’t go usin’ nothin’ that’s gonna hurt ya, though. That ain’t the point of this whole thing.

Soft stuff, that’s the first thing.
Then you need somethin’ to hold it all together. A tube, maybe. Like a toilet paper roll, but somethin’ a bit sturdier. I seen folks usin’ them PVC pipes, the kinda stuff they use for plumbin’. Just make sure it’s clean, real clean. You don’t want no nasty stuff gettin’ where it don’t belong.
And somethin’ to cap off the ends, I suppose. To keep things neat and tidy.

So you got your soft stuff, your tube, and your caps. Now what? Well, I reckon you gotta shape that soft stuff, make it fit inside that tube. Cut it, squish it, do what you gotta do. Make it tight, but not too tight. You want it to feel good, remember? And then you put them caps on the ends. Make sure they’re on good and tight, so nothin’ falls out.

And that’s about it, I reckon. That’s how you make one of them homemade thingamajigs. But hold on a minute, there’s more to it than just slammin’ stuff together.

You gotta think about cleanin’ it, too. This ain’t somethin’ you can just use and then throw in the corner. You gotta wash it out good, real good. Use soap and water, get all that… stuff… out of there. And let it dry real good, too. You don’t want no mold growin’ in there. That ain’t gonna be good for nobody.

And another thing, you gotta be careful what kinda stuff you use. Don’t go usin’ nothin’ that’s gonna irritate ya. And don’t go sharin’ it with nobody else, neither. That’s just askin’ for trouble. This is your own personal thing, keep it to yourself.

Now, I ain’t sayin’ this is the best way to do it, or even the right way. I’m just tellin’ ya what I heard. If you wanna get fancy, you can go online and look up all sorts of instructions. But I figure, if you’re gonna make one of these things at home, you probably ain’t lookin’ for fancy. You just want somethin’ simple and easy.

And one last thing, be safe about it. Don’t go doin’ nothin’ that’s gonna hurt ya. This is supposed to be fun, not a trip to the hospital. So use your common sense, and be careful. And if somethin’ don’t feel right, stop. It ain’t worth riskin’ your health for this.

So there ya have it. That’s the lowdown on makin’ your own “flesh light,” as far as I know it. I hope it helps ya out, and I hope you don’t go gettin’ yourself into too much trouble. Remember what I said, keep it clean, keep it safe, and keep it to yourself.

And for goodness sake, don’t go blamin’ me if somethin’ goes wrong. I just told ya what I heard, I ain’t responsible for what you do with that information.