Alright, alright, let’s talk about this “Gottman State of the Union Worksheet” thing. Don’t go gettin’ all fancy on me now, it ain’t rocket science, ya hear? It’s just a way for you and your man to sit down and figure out what’s what in your get-along.
Now, these Gottman folks, they say they studied a whole bunch of couples. Lord have mercy, 40,000 of ’em! Musta been a lot of squabblin’ goin’ on. But anyways, they come up with this here idea, like a check-up for your lovey-dovey stuff.
First thing’s first, you gotta say somethin’ nice. Yeah, I know, sometimes it’s hard when he’s leavin’ his socks on the floor and snorin’ like a freight train. But you gotta dig deep and find somethin’ you appreciate. Like, maybe he took out the trash without you naggin’ him, or maybe he fixed that leaky faucet. It don’t gotta be big, just gotta be somethin’.
- Did he bring you a cup of coffee in the mornin’?
- Did he help with the dishes?
- Did he listen to you when you was goin’ on and on about your day?
See? Simple stuff. But it matters. And don’t just say, “Oh, he took out the trash.” You gotta say why that matters. Like, “He took out the trash, and that shows me he cares about keepin’ our house nice and clean.” That’s the ticket.
Now, this ain’t just some one-time thing, you know. You gotta keep at it. Like waterin’ a plant, you gotta keep waterin’ your get-along if you want it to grow. The Gottmans, they even got an app, somethin’ on your phone, with cards and stuff. Fancy, huh? But you don’t need all that fancy stuff. Just need to talk, and listen. Really listen, not just waitin’ for your turn to talk.
Okay, so after you done said your nice things, now you gotta talk about the tough stuff. The things that been buggin’ ya. But don’t go accusin’ and yellin’. That ain’t gonna get you nowhere. You gotta talk about how you feel, not just what he did wrong. Like, “When you leave your socks on the floor, I feel like you don’t care about keepin’ our house nice,” instead of, “You’re such a slob!” See the difference? One’s like a punch in the gut, the other’s like, well, like talkin’.
And listen, really listen, when he’s talkin’ too. Don’t be interruptin’ and rollin’ your eyes. Try to see things from his side. Maybe he’s tired, maybe he’s stressed. We all got our own burdens to carry, ya know?
Then, you gotta dream together. Yeah, dreamin’! What do you want your get-along to be like? Where do you wanna go? What do you wanna do? Maybe you wanna travel, maybe you wanna buy a little place in the country, maybe you just wanna sit on the porch and watch the sunset together. Whatever it is, talk about it. Make a plan. It gives you somethin’ to work towards, somethin’ to look forward to.
And don’t forget the little things. A touch, a smile, a kind word. Those things go a long way. Like my mama always said, “It’s the little things that count.” She was a smart woman, my mama.
So, this here “Gottman State of the Union Worksheet,” it ain’t magic. It ain’t gonna fix everything overnight. But it’s a start. It’s a way to open up the lines of communication, to understand each other better, to build a stronger get-along. And that’s worth fightin’ for, ain’t it?
And don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Sometimes, you just can’t figure it out on your own. There’s folks out there who can help, counselors and such. Ain’t no shame in that. We all need a little help sometimes.
So, go on, give it a try. Sit down with your man, and talk. Really talk. And listen. And dream. And see what happens. You might be surprised.
This “state of the union” thing, it’s about stayin’ connected, like two vines growin’ together. You gotta tend to it, prune it, make sure it gets enough sunshine. If you don’t, it’ll wither and die. And nobody wants that, do they? So, put in the work. It’s worth it, trust me.
Remember that app I was talkin’ about? The Gottman Card Decks? Well, it might be worth checkin’ out if you’re one for that fancy phone stuff. But if you ain’t, don’t fret. Just talkin’, plain and simple, is the most important thing. And listenin’. Don’t forget the listenin’ part. That’s half the battle, right there.
