Okay, so, like everyone else, my marriage hit a rough patch. We were constantly bickering, and it felt like we were living separate lives under the same roof. I was desperate, googling everything, and kept seeing this idea of “separation” pop up. Does it actually work? Does separation save a marriage? I decided to give it a shot and see if it would help us.
The First Step
First, I talked to my husband. It wasn’t easy. We were both on edge, but I laid it all out – how I felt, what I thought was wrong, and why I thought some time apart might help. He was hesitant, but he agreed to try a trial separation. No lawyers, no official paperwork, just… us, trying to figure things out.
Setting Ground Rules
Next, we set some ground rules. This was super important. We decided on:
- Living arrangements: He moved into the spare bedroom for starters. We didn’t want the pressure of finding a new place immediately.
- Communication: We agreed to only talk about essential things, like bills or kid-related stuff (if we had kids, which we don’t, but this is important for others). No nagging, no fighting, just practical conversations.
- Timeframe: We picked a month. Just to see how it felt. No pressure to make any big decisions during that time.
- Dating others: Big NO. We agreed this was about fixing us, not finding someone else.
The Separation Begins
The first week was… weird. It was awkward. The silence was deafening. I found myself constantly wanting to text him, ask him how his day was, or just… be near him. But I stuck to the rules. I focused on myself. I started journaling, went for long walks, caught up with friends I hadn’t seen in ages. I started to rediscover me, the person I’d kind of lost in the mess of the marriage.
The Realizations Start
After about two weeks, something shifted. The awkwardness faded. I realized how much I’d been relying on him for my own happiness. I realized how many small resentments I’d been holding onto. The space allowed me to see things more clearly. I missed him, but not in a desperate, clingy way. I missed the good parts of us, the things we’d lost along the way.
Reconnecting (Slowly)
We started having short, scheduled phone calls. Just to check in, see how the other was doing. These weren’t emotional dumping grounds, but a chance to calmly communicate. I found myself actually listening to him, instead of just waiting for my turn to talk. He seemed to be doing the same.
The Month is Up
After the month, we decided to extend the separation, but with a twist. We started “dating” again. Not other people, but each other. We went out for dinner, held hands at the movies, talked for hours like we used to. It was like rediscovering each other. And not move in together again
Final Result
After the “dating”, we finally decided it’s time to move back in. It was a slow process, rebuilding. It wasn’t a magical fix, and we still have our moments, but the separation gave us the space and perspective we needed to see what was worth fighting for. It saved us.
