Dick Pic Photos: Learn How to Level Up and Attract Girls

Alright, alright, listen up you young fellas. You wanna know how to, uh, “level up” your, you know, thing in pictures for the gals? Grandma’s gonna tell ya, but don’t go tellin’ everyone where you heard this, ya hear?

First off, this whole “dick pic” thing, sounds kinda dirty, don’t it? But I guess that’s what the young folks call it these days. Now, I ain’t no expert, but I’ve seen a thing or two, and I hear things from my neighbor’s granddaughter, bless her heart. She’s always gigglin’ at her phone.

So, rule number one: Don’t just go sendin’ pictures of your… stuff… to any gal. You gotta make sure she wants to see it first. It’s like offerin’ someone a piece of your pie, you gotta ask if they’re hungry first, right? Otherwise, you’re just bein’ rude. And nobody likes a rude fella.

Now, if a gal does say she wants to see it… well, then you gotta make it, uh, presentable, I guess. Don’t just take a picture in the outhouse, for crying out loud! Nobody wants to see that! Find some good light, maybe by the window. And for goodness sake, clean up a bit! You wouldn’t show up to church with mud on your boots, would ya?

Here’s some things I heard that them young folks like, and mind you I ain’t no expert, but this is the gospel truth from what I heard.

Funny stuff: You know, show ’em you ain’t just some serious fella. Maybe a silly face, or wearin’ a funny hat. Makes you seem like you got a good sense of humor, and gals like a fella who can make ’em laugh.
Show you’re active: Gals like a man who can chop wood, you know? Or, well, I guess these days it’s runnin’ or playin’ them sports on the TV. Show ’em you ain’t just sittin’ on the couch all day.
Build-up: This one’s a bit tricky, but it sounds like you gotta, uh, tease ‘em a bit. Like when you’re bakin’ a pie, and the smell fills the whole house before you even get to eat it. Makes it more excitin’, I guess.

And don’t just send a picture of…you know… it. Show your face too! Let her see who she’s, uh, lookin’ at. It’s like when you’re sellin’ a cow, you gotta show the whole cow, not just its udder! Gals want to see the whole package, so to speak.

Some fellas, they get a kick out of sendin’ these pictures to strangers. I don’t get it, myself. It’s like shoutin’ in the town square when nobody’s listenin’. What’s the point? But hey, to each their own, I guess. Just make sure you ain’t causin’ no trouble.

Now, some of them artist folks, they’re doin’ somethin’ different with these pictures. Turnin’ ‘em into art, they say. I saw one on the TV, looked like a whole bunch of…things… all stuck together. Made no sense to me, but I guess it’s makin’ some kinda statement. But that ain’t what you’re tryin’ to do, is it? You just wanna impress a gal.

So, the big thing is, make sure she wants it, make it look nice, and be respectful. And for goodness sake, don’t be creepy! Nobody likes a creepy fella. And don’t go blamin’ me if things go wrong. I’m just tellin’ ya what I heard. It’s up to you to use your common sense, which, I hope, the good lord gave you plenty of.

And listen, if she don’t like it, or if she gets upset, then you apologize and you stop. It’s as simple as that. You don’t go pesterin’ her. You treat a lady with respect, you hear? That’s more important than any picture you could ever send.

This whole thing seems awful complicated to me. Back in my day, you just looked a fella in the eye, and you knew if he was worth your time. But times change, I guess. Just remember what your grandma told ya, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll figure it out. And if not, well, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. Just don’t be showin’ them your…you know… thing… unless they ask!