Okay, so I’ve been doing some serious thinking about my relationship lately, and it all started with a simple question: Am I controlling?
It wasn’t easy to ask myself that. I mean, who wants to admit they might be the problem? But I knew I had to be honest if I wanted things to get better. So, I started by just observing my own behavior. I paid attention to how I reacted when my partner made plans without me, or when they disagreed with me. Did I get upset? Did I try to change their mind? Did I make them feel guilty?
My Observation Journal
I even started a little journal. Nothing fancy, just a notes app on my phone. I started jotting down situations that made me feel uneasy, and how I responded. For instance:
- Situation: Partner went out with friends last night.
- My Feeling: Anxious, a little jealous.
- My Reaction: Texted them multiple times, asking where they were and who they were with.
Or another one
- Situation: Partner wanted to try a new restaurant I wasn’t crazy about.
- My Feeling: Annoyed, like my opinion wasn’t valued.
- My Reaction: Made passive-aggressive comments about the food and the place all night.
Seeing it all written down like that… it was kind of a wake-up call. I started to see a pattern. It wasn’t always obvious, but I definitely had a tendency to try and influence my partner’s decisions, even in subtle ways.
Talking to a Friend
Next, I decided to confide in a close friend. I needed someone to tell me the truth, even if it was hard to hear. I explained my concerns and showed them some of my journal entries. Their response? “Yeah, girl, you can be a little controlling sometimes.” Ouch, but I needed to hear that.
It was good to get an outside perspective. My friend helped me see that my behavior wasn’t just about “caring” or “having high standards,” it was actually impacting my partner’s freedom and happiness.
Making Changes, Step by Step
I started taking small steps. If there have to be any.
- When my partner made plans, I tried to bite my tongue and not bombard them with texts.
- When we disagreed, I focused on listening to their point of view instead of immediately trying to convince them I was right.
It wasn’t easy! There were times I slipped up, but I kept reminding myself why I was doing this. I wanted a healthier, more balanced relationship, and that meant letting go of some control.
It’s still a work in progress. I’m not perfect, and I still have moments of insecurity. But I’m actively trying to be better, to be more aware of my behavior and its impact on my partner. And that, I think, is a good start.
