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Well, let me tell you about this thing called the Four Horsemen in a relationship. Now, this ain’t no fancy stuff, but it’s real important, I reckon. You see, these horsemen are like the bad signs in a marriage, just like the bad weather before a storm. If you ain’t careful, they’ll run you right off the road.
First off, we got this thing called Criticism. Now, that’s when you start picking at your partner, always finding fault, like when my neighbor’s chickens keep scratching up my garden. You notice everything they do wrong, and it just piles up. It’s like saying, “You never help around the house!” instead of “I could use a hand sometimes.” Makes things worse, I tell ya.
Then there’s Contempt. This one’s nasty, like when folks look down on each other. It’s like when my old man would say he’s tired of my cooking, like I don’t try. It’s not just words; it’s how you say ‘em. If you roll your eyes or make snarky comments, you’re digging a hole that’s hard to climb out of. Folks feel hurt, and that’s no good.
Next up, we have Defensiveness. Now, this is when you just can’t take the heat. Like when I spill flour on the floor while baking and my grandkid says, “Look what you did!” I might go all defensive and say, “Well, you were running around too much!” Instead of just saying, “Oops, my bad.” You see, pointing fingers only adds fuel to the fire.
Lastly, we got Stonewalling. That’s when you just shut down, like a gate that won’t open. If your partner tries to talk but you just sit there in silence, it’s like giving up. I remember when my sister and her husband had a fight, and he wouldn’t say a word. It just made things worse, and they ended up not talking for days. You gotta communicate, folks, even when it’s hard.
All these horsemen, they don’t just hang around for fun. They can lead to big trouble, like a storm brewing. If couples keep at it, they might find themselves in deep water. Dr. Gottman studied a whole bunch of couples, and guess what? Those who let these horsemen ride into their lives often end up splitting up faster than you can say “goodbye.”
Now, I ain’t saying it’s easy to change. It’s like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. But if you can spot these horsemen, maybe you can shoo ‘em away. Start with kind words instead of picking at each other. And when things get tough, try not to look down on each other or shut down. Talk it out, even if it feels like pulling teeth sometimes.
So, remember folks, keep an eye on those horsemen. They can sneak up on you when you least expect it. But with a little love and patience, you can send them back where they came from. Keep the love strong, and don’t let those horsemen take the reins of your relationship!
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Tags：[Four Horsemen, Relationships, Gottman, Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling]
