Okay, so, it’s been a rough patch lately. My husband, he’s just…yelling. All the time. It feels like everything sets him off, and I’m walking on eggshells constantly. I decided I needed to figure this out, for both our sakes.
Figuring Out Step One: Observation
First, I started paying super close attention. Like, really listening. Not just to the yelling, but to what was happening before the yelling. Was he stressed from work? Was it about the kids? The mess in the house? I grabbed a notebook and started jotting things down. Just quick notes, like:
- “Tuesday: Yelled about dishes. He had a bad day at work.”
- “Friday: Yelled about kids being loud. He seemed tired.”
- “Sunday: Yelled about burnt dinner. I was distracted.”
I did this for about a week. It wasn’t fun, obviously, but it helped me see some patterns.
Step Two: The Dreaded Conversation
This was the hard part. I knew I had to talk to him, but I was terrified of starting another argument. I waited until we had a relatively calm evening, after the kids were in bed. I took a deep breath and just…started talking.
I didn’t accuse him. I didn’t say “You yell at me all the time!” Instead, I tried something like, “Hey, I’ve noticed we’ve both been a little stressed lately, and I feel like we’re getting into arguments more easily. I’m wondering if we can talk about it.”
It was awkward. He was defensive at first. But I kept my voice calm, and I focused on how I was feeling. I used “I” statements, like “I feel scared when I hear yelling,” instead of “You make me scared.”
Step Three: His Side of the Story
Turns out, he hadn’t even realized how much he was yelling. He was stressed about work, and he felt like he was carrying a lot of the household burden (which, to be fair, he was). He said he felt like he was constantly nagging, and it just escalated into yelling.
Hearing him out was important. It didn’t excuse the yelling, but it helped me understand where he was coming from.
Step Four: Making a Plan (and Sticking to It!)
We talked about ways to communicate better. We agreed on a few things:
- If he starts using “I feel” and tell that it made him upset.
- If I noticed he was getting stressed, I’d try to step in and help before things boiled over.
- We’d try to have regular check-ins, even just for 10 minutes, to talk about how we’re feeling.
- We decided to try getting professional help, like couples’s therapy, if we can’t solve it our selves.
Step Five: Baby Steps and Imperfect Progress
It hasn’t been perfect. There have still been some yelling incidents. But, they’re less frequent. And more importantly, we’re talking more. We’re trying to be more aware of each other’s feelings and triggers.
I realized it’s a process. It takes time, effort, and a whole lot of patience. But I think we’re moving in the right direction. It’s not about never arguing, it’s about arguing better, and about understanding each other, even when we’re frustrated. And sometimes, that means admitting I’m part of the problem too, and working on my own communication skills.
