Okay, let’s talk about something that comes up a lot in life – forgiveness, especially when it comes to the people we’re close to. It’s messy stuff, right? Not always straightforward.
I remember this one time, years back, with a good friend. They did something that really, properly stung. Not gonna lie, my first reaction was pure anger. I felt betrayed, honestly. For weeks, I just replayed it in my head. I avoided their calls, made excuses not to see them. It felt like this big, ugly wall went up between us.
Dealing with the Feeling
Carrying that anger around started to feel heavy. Like, really heavy. It wasn’t just affecting my mood when I thought about them; it was kind of spilling over into other parts of my day. I was more irritable, less patient. I realised I was spending more energy being mad than anything else. That was the point where I started thinking, okay, something’s gotta give here.
So, I started trying to unpack it. Why was I so hurt? What was underneath the anger? Took some real quiet time, just sitting with the discomfort. It wasn’t fun.
- I had to admit I was hurt, not just angry.
- I thought about our whole friendship, not just this one incident.
- I considered their perspective, even though it was hard. Were they malicious? Probably not, just maybe careless or clueless.
Making the Choice
Deciding to forgive wasn’t like flipping a switch. It wasn’t even really about saying “what you did was okay”. It absolutely wasn’t okay. For me, it became more about deciding I didn’t want to carry that hot coal of anger anymore. It was burning me.
The next step was actually talking to my friend. That was awkward. Super awkward. We met up, and I stumbled through explaining how their actions had impacted me. Didn’t yell, didn’t accuse, just tried to state my feelings. They were surprised, maybe a bit defensive at first, but eventually, they heard me. They apologized. It wasn’t a magic fix, mind you.
The Aftermath and What Stuck
Things didn’t snap back to exactly how they were before. That incident left a mark, a little scar on the relationship. But the bitterness? That faded. We managed to rebuild, slowly. The trust took time to mend, but because we actually talked it through, and I made the conscious choice to let go of the resentment, we found a new footing.
What I really learned through that whole process was this: Forgiveness, for me, is mostly about freeing myself. It’s about choosing peace over holding onto pain. It doesn’t always mean forgetting, and it definitely doesn’t always mean letting someone walk all over you again. Sometimes forgiveness means accepting an apology. Sometimes it means forgiving someone who never even said sorry, just so you can move on. And sometimes, forgiveness is part of letting a relationship go, but doing it without carrying hatred forward.
It’s an ongoing practice, not a one-time event. Sometimes old feelings bubble up, and I have to gently remind myself I chose to let that go. It’s work, but man, it’s lighter on the other side.
