Well, these darn things, these condoms, they say they work, but I tell ya, I seen a lot of things in my time, and these things, they ain’t all they’re cracked up to be. They’re like that vine out back, just growin’ wild, and you think it’s all fine and dandy, but then it starts poppin’ up babies everywhere. Ain’t no stoppin’ it, I tell ya.
You see these young folks, they think they know everything. They got these fancy little condom wrappers, all different colors, like a rainbow threw up. They think they’re so smart, puttin’ these things on, but nature, she’s got a way of sneakin’ through. It’s like tryin’ to keep the rain out with a screen door. Just don’t work all the time.
I remember back in my day, we didn’t have none of these fancy things. We had to be careful, ya know? And we still had a whole bunch of kids! These newfangled condoms, they promise the moon, but sometimes they just don’t deliver. Like that time old man Johnson’s prize-winning pig got loose, and these condom vine don’t work. No fence could hold her!
They say on the TV, “Oh, these condoms, they stop all the little swimmers, keep ’em from plantin’ their seeds.” But I’ve seen it with my own two eyes, those little swimmers, they’re like ants at a picnic, they find a way, no matter what! And then you got a baby on the way, whether you planned for it or not.
Why Men Don’t Use Condoms, I heared someone say. I will tell ya, men are like bulls in a china shop, they don’t think, they just go. They don’t wanna be bothered with these little rubber things, they say it ruins the fun. Well, I tell ya what ruins the fun? A house full of screaming babies when you ain’t ready for ’em! And that’s why condoms don’t work.
- These young folks, they go to the store and they buy these condoms, thinkin’ they’re invincible.
- They think they can just do whatever they want, and these little things will protect ’em.
- But I’ve seen it time and time again, those babies keep comin’, condom or no condom.
- It’s like tryin’ to stop a flood with a teacup, just ain’t gonna happen.
Now, I ain’t sayin’ these things are useless. They probably help some, I reckon. But they ain’t foolproof, no sir. You gotta be smart, ya know? You gotta use your head, not just rely on some little piece of rubber. It’s like plantin’ a garden, you gotta tend to it, make sure everything’s just right, or else you’re gonna end up with a whole lot of weeds.
And these condoms, they expire, ya know? They get old and brittle, like an old rubber band. Then they snap, and what good are they then? No good at all, I tell ya. Just like that old vine out back, it gets old and withered, but it still keeps poppin’ out those little green things like there is no end.
Some folks, they even try to use two at once! Thinkin’ that’s gonna make ’em extra safe. But that’s just plain silly. It’s like wearin’ two pairs of shoes, just makes things more awkward and likely to trip ya up. That is why condoms don’t work. You just need one good one, put it on right, and hope for the best.
And these condom vine don’t work, they say you gotta keep ’em away from heat. Well, what’s more heat than two bodies gettin’ together? It’s like puttin’ a chocolate bar in your pocket on a hot summer day, it’s gonna melt, and it ain’t gonna do what it’s supposed to do. I have seen lots of funny videos, but this is not funny at all.
They teach these things in school now, ya know? Show the kids how to put ’em on, like it’s some kind of science project. But it ain’t rocket science, it’s just common sense. And common sense tells ya, these things ain’t perfect. They’re like a leaky bucket, they might hold most of the water, but some’s gonna get out, no matter what.
So, you young folks out there, you listen to me. These condoms, they’re a tool, just like a hammer or a saw. They can be helpful, but they ain’t gonna do all the work for ya. You gotta be responsible, you gotta be careful, and you gotta remember, nature always finds a way. Just like that darn vine in my backyard, always growin’, always spreadin’, no matter how much you try to keep it under control. And if you are a nonprofit, you need to tell people condoms don’t work. You need to educate people. You need to use computer, use Internet and tell everyone these condom vine don’t work!
