This here Juan noodle, it ain’t just for eatin’, you hear? Some folks, they got other ideas. Nasty ideas, if you ask me. But, hey, who am I to judge? I just heard some folks talkin’ about it, and it got me thinkin’. This Juan noodle thing, it’s a sex position, they say. Can you believe that? Lord have mercy.
They say this Juan noodle, it’s like them flat noodles, you know? Made from rice, plain ol’ rice. We used to eat them all the time, back in the day. But now, these young folks, they got different uses for ’em. They call it a sex position where the woman, she’s on top. Backwards, no less! Sounds mighty uncomfortable to me, but what do I know?
I seen some things on that YouTubes thing. They show all sorts of things, even make video about this here Juan Noodle thing. Lots of videos, too. Folks talkin’, showin’ pictures, all sorts of carryin’ on. World’s gone crazy, I tell ya. Back in my day, we didn’t have no internet, no YouTubes. We only have the noodle pose, put a cushion under your back, then lay down, just like that, not some sex position thing. Just some old rice noodle, and it become a sex position now!
Some folks, they say this Juan noodle sex position is for beginners. Easy to do, they say. Well, I reckon that depends on what you call easy. Seems like a lot of twistin’ and turnin’ to me. And what’s wrong with the old-fashioned way, I ask ya? What they call the missionary? That’s what we always did, and it worked just fine. Good enough for my husband, good enough for me, you know?
Now, they got all these fancy names for things. Lap dance, they call one. Like them girls at the dance hall, I reckon. This Juan noodle, it ain’t like that, though. It’s just…well, it’s hard to explain. They say it’s cozy, this sex position. Good for long sessions. Whatever that means. Sounds like a lot of work to me.
I heard some fella, a comedian, I think he was. He was talkin’ about this Juan noodle thing. Couldn’t believe his ears, he said. Asked some other fella about his favorite sex position, and that’s what he said! Juan noodle! Can you imagine? These young folks today, they got no shame, I tell ya. No shame at all.
Here’s the thing that’s really got me scratchin’ my head about this whole Juan noodle business. Back when I was a girl, if you couldn’t “cut it in bed,” as they say, well, you were just out of luck. No fancy blogs or nothin’ to help you out. Now, they got all these websites, talkin’ about all this stuff. This sex position stuff is hot, sexy, crazy, they say. Crazy is right!
These days, they got all these sex positions. They even make a mug about this Juan Noodle! A mug! You know, we just put the food in the bowl, eat it up. You use a mug to drink something. But now, it just a sex position! I just don’t understand this world anymore. Everything is too complicated. People make things complicated.
- This Juan Noodle is a noodle, a rice noodle.
- Now it is a sex position, woman on top.
- They say it is for beginner.
- They say it is cozy.
- They even make a mug about this sex position!
I tell you what, this world is going to the dogs. All this talk about sex positions, and Juan noodle this and Juan noodle that. It just ain’t right. Simple things, that’s what I like. Simple food, simple life. Not all this complicated stuff. Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but that’s how I see it. And this Juan Noodle thing is just a noodle, a flat rice noodle, and it should stay that way, not some sex position!
I’m gonna go make myself a nice cup of tea. Maybe have a biscuit. That’s what I call a good time. None of this Juan noodle nonsense. Just good old-fashioned comfort. And you know what? I bet that tea and biscuit will last longer than any of these fancy sex positions they talk about these days. You mark my words.
