Alright, alright, listen up you young’uns. You’re all flustered ’bout what to call your sweetheart on that Snapchat thingy, huh? Well, Granny’s here to tell ya, it ain’t rocket science. Back in my day, we just yelled their name across the field, but I guess you kids gotta be all fancy with your phones.
So, this “crush” thing, right? First off, don’t go callin’ ’em somethin’ weird right off the bat. Start simple, like “Hey!” or “Hi, how’s it goin’?” See, just like hollerin’ across the field, but through that phone thing.
- You gotta be smooth, like butter on a hot biscuit. Don’t just grunt at ’em.
- And for heaven’s sake, don’t be a scaredy-cat. Just say somethin’!
Now, if you know a little somethin’ ’bout what they like, that’s good. Like, if they’re always postin’ pictures of cats, you can say, “I saw your picture of that there cat. I like cats too!” Or if they’re into, I dunno, buildin’ birdhouses, say somethin’ ’bout that. Just don’t make stuff up, that’s lyin’ and lyin’ is bad. Grandma always said, honesty is the best policy, even on that Snapchat contraption.
Don’t ask dumb questions, the kind they can just answer with a “yep” or “nope.” Ask somethin’ that gets ’em thinkin’. Like, instead of “You like pie?” ask “What kind of pie do you like best, and why?” See? Gets ’em talkin’. That’s the whole point, ain’t it? You want to chitter-chatter with them, not just stare at pictures. Land sakes, kids these days…
Okay, so you wanna be a little… what’s the word… flirty? Well, you could send a picture of yourself. But make it a nice one! Comb your hair, wipe that smudge off your face. You know, look presentable. Don’t go sendin’ no pictures of you pickin’ your nose, for cryin’ out loud. Have some decorum! Grandma always says, first impressions matter, even if it’s just a picture on a phone screen.
Now, about those fancy names. “Secret admirer?” Sounds kinda spooky to me. “Boo?” What are you, a ghost? “4liferr?” That’s a lot of pressure, young’un. Slow down! “Mi amor?” What’s that, some foreign lingo? Stick to English, for goodness sake. “Sweetheart?” Now, that’s nice. Simple, sweet, gets the point across. You can also try “Sunshine” or maybe even just their name with a little heart emoji after it. But don’t go overboard with them emojis, alright?
But here’s the real kicker, the thing you gotta pay attention to. Are they even interested? ‘Cause if you’re doin’ all the talkin’, all the smilin’, all the heart-eyed emoji sendin’, and they’re just starin’ back at you like a cow in the headlights, well, honey, you might be wastin’ your time. It’s like beatin’ a dead horse, ain’t no good gonna come of it. If they ain’t talkin’ back, if they avoid you, or send you mix-matched signals, then maybe they ain’t interested. That’s what they call a one-way street, and it don’t lead nowhere good. Just like when your grandpa tried to fix the tractor with a spoon, ain’t gonna work!
It’s like plantin’ seeds. You plant ’em, water ’em, and hope they grow. But if they don’t, you can’t force it. You gotta move on to another patch of dirt, so to speak. There’s plenty of fish in the sea, or so they say. Though, I don’t know why you’d want a fish, all slimy and whatnot. But you get the picture.
So, there you have it. Start simple, be yourself, don’t be creepy, and pay attention to whether they’re even interested. And for Pete’s sake, put down that phone every once in a while and go outside and get some fresh air! That’s more important than all this newfangled technology, lemme tell you. Now go on, git! And good luck with that “crush” of yours.
Just remember, be polite, be honest, and for the love of all that is holy, don’t send any inappropriate pictures. Grandma’s watchin’… well, not really, but you know what I mean.
And if all else fails, just bake ’em a pie. Works every time. Well, almost every time. Unless they don’t like pie. Then you’re back to square one.
Anyways, I gotta go feed the chickens. You kids have a good day, ya hear?
