Alright, so I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole “defensive listening” thing, and boy, have I had some eye-opening moments. You see, I realized I was doing it a lot more than I thought. It all started when I noticed I kept getting into these misunderstandings with people. I’d think I was listening, but somehow, things still went sideways.
So, I started paying attention to my conversations. How I reacted, what I said, the whole nine yards. And that’s when it hit me. I was always on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’d be listening, yeah, but I was also preparing my defense, thinking about how I was going to respond, how I was going to prove I was right.
It was a real wake-up call. I decided to change things up. My first step? I tried to catch myself when I started getting that defensive feeling. You know, that tightness in your chest, that urge to jump in and interrupt. Whenever I felt that, I took a deep breath and told myself, “Just listen, really listen.”
It wasn’t easy. Old habits die hard, right? But I kept at it. I started using these little tricks, like nodding along, saying “Uh-huh” or “I see” just to show I was engaged. These are called minimal encouragements. It sounds simple, but it really helps to keep you focused on what the other person is saying, instead of what you’re going to say next.
Then, I tried something else. I started paying attention to the non-verbal stuff. You know, body language, tone of voice, all that jazz. And wow, did that make a difference! I realized that sometimes, what people don’t say is just as important as what they do say. I always thought that I should focus on the words only.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far:
- Be mindful: I’m paying way more attention to my own reactions now.
- Use those little encouragements: They really do work!
- Watch and listen: It’s not just about the words, folks.
It’s still a work in progress, but I can honestly say that I’m having way fewer misunderstandings these days. I feel like I’m connecting with people on a whole new level. It’s pretty amazing what happens when you actually listen, without that defensive wall up. So, if you think you might be a defensive listener too, maybe give these things a try. It might just change the way you communicate, for the better.
