Oh, honey, let me tell ya, this whole sound relationship house thing, it ain’t rocket science. It’s just plain old common sense, like knowin’ when to plant your taters and when to keep your mouth shut. This fella, Gottman, he’s got it all figured out, I reckon. He says there’s these things, these… levels, like a house, ya see? And you gotta have ’em all to make a relationship that’ll last longer than a cheap pair of shoes.
First thing, he talks about love maps. Now, that ain’t about findin’ your way to the outhouse in the dark. It’s about knowin’ your partner, inside and out. Like, knowin’ what makes ’em tick, what they like for breakfast, what kinda scare they got as a young’un. You gotta know the little things, like what color socks he prefers. If you don’t know these, your relationship gonna be shaky, like a three-legged stool.
Then there’s this fondness and admiration. Sounds fancy, don’t it? But it just means you gotta like the person you’re with! You gotta think they’re somethin’ special, like a prize-winnin’ hog at the county fair. If you ain’t got that, you’re just gonna be pickin’ at each other like a couple of old hens.
- Love maps, that’s knowin’ the little things.
- Fondness, that’s likin’ the person.
- Admiration, that’s thinkin’ they’re somethin’ special.
And this next one, turnin’ towards. Now, that means when your partner says somethin’, you gotta pay attention. You gotta listen, even if it’s about that dang leaky faucet again. Don’t just turn away and ignore ’em, like they’re a fly buzzin’ around your head. You turn towards ’em, show ’em you care. Makes a world of difference.
Gottman, he also says you gotta let your partner influence you. Now, that don’t mean you gotta let ’em walk all over you like a doormat. But it means you gotta be willin’ to listen to their ideas, maybe even change your mind sometimes. Stubbornness, that’ll ruin a relationship faster than a weevil in a cotton field. You gotta consider their thoughts, like they are important, you know? It is about the sound relationship house!
Then there’s solvin’ problems. Every couple’s got ’em, like weeds in a garden. You gotta pull ’em out, one by one. Talk about ’em, figure ’em out. Don’t just let ’em grow and fester. Gottman, he says you gotta find them problems you can solve, and work on ’em together. Just like you will need to work with your partner if you wanna fix that broken fence.
Now, this next part is tricky. Overcomin’ gridlock. That’s when you get stuck on somethin’ and you just can’t seem to budge. Like two old mules pullin’ in opposite directions. Gottman says you gotta find a way to work around it, even if you can’t solve it completely. Sometimes, you just gotta agree to disagree, and move on. Otherwise, that sound relationship house will be like a car stuck in the mud.
And last but not least, shared meanin’. That’s like havin’ the same dreams, the same goals. Like wantin’ to build a life together, raise a family, grow old together on the front porch. If you ain’t got that, you’re just two people livin’ under the same roof, like a couple of boarders in a roomin’ house. And it is important, you know? It is hard to have a sound relationship house without it!
- Influence, that’s bein’ open to change.
- Solvin’ problems, that’s workin’ together.
- Overcomin’ gridlock, that’s findin’ a way around the hard stuff.
- Shared meanin’, that’s havin’ the same dreams.
This Gottman fella, he also talks about this magic ratio. Says you need five good things for every bad thing. Five to one, like five good apples for every rotten one. It don’t take much, a kind word, a little help with the chores, a hug when they’re feelin’ down. You gotta do five good things to make up for every time you act like a grumpy old goat. Five to one, now that is some important number to keep the sound relationship house last long!
So, there you have it. That’s the sound relationship house, in a nutshell. It ain’t easy, mind you. It takes work, like tendin’ a garden. You gotta water it, weed it, nurture it. But if you do it right, you’ll have somethin’ beautiful, somethin’ that’ll last a lifetime. A relationship is like a house, you know? You gotta keep fixin’ it, or it’ll fall apart. And nobody wants to live in a broken-down old shack. And nobody wants a broken relationship, huh?
