Well now, let me tell ya somethin’, my dear. Sometimes, it’s like my husband thinks I’m always comin’ after him, like I’m attackin’ him with every word I say. I ain’t never tryin’ to hurt him, mind ya, but it’s like he hears every little thing as a problem. I just don’t get it, sometimes. Maybe you’ve noticed somethin’ similar in your own life, where no matter what you say, your partner seems to take it the wrong way? Well, that’s been my life for the past few months.
It’s the darndest thing, really. I might just be talkin’ about somethin’ as simple as how to clean the house, or how we need to get to a doctor’s appointment, and boom! There he goes, all defensive. I’m just tryin’ to get things done, but every time I mention somethin’, he thinks I’m attackin’ him. Makes no sense to me, not one bit. Now, don’t get me wrong, he’s a good man. Always helps around the house when he can. But this defensiveness of his? I don’t understand it.
What’s goin’ on with him?
I’ve been tryin’ to figure out what’s really goin’ on. Maybe it’s because of somethin’ in his past, or maybe it’s just the way his brain works. Some folks, ya see, they get so wrapped up in their own thoughts that they can’t hear you properly. It’s like their mind fills in the blanks with its own story, and suddenly, everything you say feels like an attack. Now, I ain’t no psychologist, but I reckon maybe that’s what’s happenin’ with him. Could be he’s distracted, could be he’s just not listenin’ right, but every time I open my mouth, he seems to think I’m startin’ a fight.
And there’s another thing, I’ve been tryin’ to be gentle with him. Soft tones, y’know? I try not to sound harsh when I say things. But still, it’s like he hears sarcasm in everything I say. When I suggest, oh I dunno, that we need to do the laundry or that he oughta make that appointment, he takes it as if I’m scoldin’ him. It’s like he’s so on edge, he can’t even hear me properly.
Why does he feel attacked?
Maybe it’s because he feels like he’s doin’ somethin’ wrong, all the time. Like, when I tell him how I feel, I try to be kind about it, but I guess he hears it as if I’m pointin’ out all his faults. I don’t mean to do that. I’m just tryin’ to talk, to share my heart. But somehow, it always feels like he gets all wound up, like he’s bein’ accused of somethin’ he ain’t even done.
Now, I know some folks say that when someone gets real defensive, it’s because they’re feelin’ insecure. Could be he’s worried he ain’t livin’ up to my expectations, or maybe he’s just scared that if he messes up, I’ll leave him. Who knows? We’ve all got our insecurities, even if we don’t show it on the outside. I reckon his might just come out like that, in all that defensiveness.
Is it control, or just worry?
Some folks say that when a person acts like they’re bein’ attacked all the time, it’s because they’re tryin’ to control things. Maybe he’s afraid that if I don’t approve of him, then he’ll lose me. Maybe he thinks I’m gonna try to control him. I’m not like that, though! I just want him to be the best he can be. But if he’s always on edge like that, it’s like he’s puttin’ up walls between us. I can’t get close to him, and he’s just busy defendin’ himself.
What can I do?
I reckon the first thing is to keep tryin’ to speak gentle, even when I’m frustrated. Sometimes, it’s hard. You get tired of bein’ the one to hold everything together. But maybe, just maybe, if I keep talkin’ soft, he’ll start to hear me better. I’ve been tryin’ to let him know that I’m not attackin’ him, just tryin’ to talk things through. Sometimes, I think people just need to hear it enough times before they start believin’ it. I need to remind him that I’m not his enemy, I’m his partner.
Maybe we also need to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart. Maybe he needs to understand why he gets so defensive, and maybe I need to understand why I feel like I have to keep tellin’ him things. I don’t know, but we’ve been together long enough that I know we can work it out.
Could there be somethin’ more at play?
Then again, maybe there’s somethin’ deeper goin’ on. You know, some folks say that when someone’s always feelin’ attacked, it might be because they’ve been through things in their past that make them real sensitive to criticism. Maybe my husband’s been through somethin’ I don’t even know about, and that’s why he reacts this way. Who knows what folks carry with them from their past? It could be somethin’ he hasn’t even told me about.
But I reckon the best thing I can do is to be patient. Give him the space to talk, if he wants to. And show him that I’m not out to get him. We all have our baggage, and I guess we just need to unpack it together, slow-like.
Final Thoughts
So, if you’re readin’ this and you feel like your partner’s always on the defensive, just know you ain’t alone. It’s tough. But I reckon the best thing you can do is keep talkin’ gentle, keep tryin’ to show ‘em that you’re not there to fight. Sometimes, it takes time. But if you love each other, you’ll get through it. Just be patient and give ‘em the time they need to see things the way you do.
Tags：[relationship issues, communication problems, defensiveness, insecurity, understanding, emotional support, patience, love, partnership]
