Recently, I’ve been feeling like I’m not totally in control, like someone else is pulling the strings. It’s a weird feeling, kind of like being a puppet. I started digging into this because, honestly, it was freaking me out.
First, I tried to pinpoint when this feeling started. Was it after a big change in my life? Did it creep up slowly? I went through my journal, recalled conversations, and even asked some close friends if they’d noticed anything different about me. This was like detective work, piecing together clues from my own life.
- I looked up some stuff online about “feeling controlled” and “loss of control.” Found a bunch of articles talking about something called “coercive control,” which is apparently a form of abuse. That was a bit of a shock, but it didn’t quite fit my situation.
- Then I stumbled upon “depersonalization.” It’s this feeling where you’re watching yourself from the outside, like you’re not really in your own body. Sounded familiar, but again, not exactly what I was experiencing.
So, I decided to try some practical stuff. I started with small things, like making sure I was the one making decisions about my day. What to eat, what to wear, what to do with my free time. Sounds simple, but it was actually kind of empowering. It’s like flexing a muscle you haven’t used in a while.
Next, I worked on setting boundaries. Saying “no” to things I didn’t want to do, even if it was hard. This was tough because I’m a people-pleaser by nature. But every time I did it, I felt a little bit more in control.
I also started talking about it more. Not in a “woe is me” way, but just being honest with people about how I was feeling. This helped me feel less alone and more understood. Plus, it made me realize that other people have felt this way too.
My Realizations
Through all of this, I realized a few important things. First, feeling like you’re not in control is more common than you might think. It’s not just me being weird or dramatic. Second, taking small steps to assert control in your daily life can make a big difference. It’s not about being a control freak; it’s about feeling like you’re steering your own ship.
And lastly, I learned that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether it’s talking to friends, reading up on psychology stuff, or even considering therapy, there’s no shame in trying to understand your own mind better. That way I could understand myself and how to get out of it.
So, that’s my story. It’s not a neat, tied-up-with-a-bow kind of conclusion, but it’s real. I’m still figuring things out, but I’m definitely feeling more like the one in control of my own life. And that’s a pretty good feeling.
