Alright, so this whole thing about “how long should sex last for a teenager?” – man, that question used to be everywhere. It felt like some secret code everyone was trying to crack back in the day, and honestly, it drove a lot of us a bit nuts, I think.
I remember being younger, and that was the big talk, right? Numbers, minutes, who was a “champ,” who wasn’t. It was like there was this invisible scoreboard. My own “practice,” if you wanna call it that, started with just trying to figure out what the heck the “right” answer was. I was just as caught up in it as anyone else. I’d hear stories, some totally wild and probably made up, others that sounded more like someone was just, well, anxious.
So, I started to just… listen more. Not in a creepy way, but you pick things up. You hear the locker room talk, the hushed conversations, the advice (good and bad) floating around. And I noticed something pretty quick: nobody actually agreed. One guy would boast about hours, another person would be worried if ten minutes was “enough.” It was a total mess, like everyone was reading from a different script, or worse, making it up as they went along just to sound good.
My “Aha!” Moment, Sort Of
I didn’t have some sudden flash of light, but it was more like a slow burn. I kept thinking, “This doesn’t make sense.” Why were we all so obsessed with a clock? It felt like we were missing the entire point. My “practice” shifted from trying to find the magic number to questioning why we were even looking for one.
I started to think about other things, you know? Like, isn’t it supposed to be about connecting with someone? Or at least, shouldn’t it feel good for everyone involved, not just about hitting some time goal? The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous the whole “how long” question seemed. It put so much pressure on everyone, especially when you’re young and just trying to figure yourself out, let alone someone else.
What I eventually landed on, through all that mulling and observing, was pretty simple: the clock is the least important thing. Seriously. For teenagers, for anyone, really. It’s about so much more. Are you comfortable? Is the other person comfortable? Are you actually listening to each other, paying attention to what feels good, what doesn’t? That stuff seemed way more important than whether it was five minutes or fifty.
So, my “practice record” on this isn’t about some amazing technique or a secret duration. It’s the record of me figuring out that the question itself is a trap. It steers you away from what actually matters. What matters is respect, communication, and making sure it’s a positive experience for everyone. If that’s quick, fine. If it’s longer, also fine. The number of minutes? Totally irrelevant if the other stuff isn’t there.
That’s what my journey with that question taught me. Took a while to get there, a lot of just listening to the noise and then trying to find the signal. And the signal was clear: focus on the people, not the stopwatch. Way less stressful, and a lot more real, I reckon.
