Alright, so you’re in that spot, huh? Thinking about how to make someone love you again. Yeah, I’ve walked that path, or stumbled down it, more like. Let me tell you what I went through.
When it first hit me that things were, you know, not right, my brain went into overdrive. First thing I did? Scrambled. Tried to pinpoint the exact moment things went south. Like if I could just find that one mistake, I could undo it, right? Classic overthinker move.
My Grand Plan of Attack… or So I Thought
I didn’t just sit there. Oh no. I got proactive. Maybe too proactive. I read stuff, listened to what everyone said, and basically threw everything at the wall to see what stuck. My “strategy” was a bit of a mess, looking back.
I remember trying all sorts of things. It was like a checklist from a bad movie:
- The “Give ‘Em Space” Gambit: Heard this one a lot. So, I tried it. Felt like I was holding my breath for weeks. Did it work? Hard to say. Mostly just made me antsy.
- The “Look What You’re Missing” Show: Yep, went there. Suddenly became super active, posting all my “amazing” new adventures. Felt a bit fake, if I’m honest. Like I was performing for an audience of one.
- The “Constant Contact” Calamity: Then I swung the other way. Thought maybe if I was always there, always helpful, always understanding… you know. That got tiring. Fast. For both of us, probably.
- Becoming a Mind Reader (or trying to): I spent so much time trying to figure out what they wanted, what would make them happy, what they were thinking. I practically forgot to ask myself what I wanted.
It was like being on a really frustrating hamster wheel. I was putting in all this effort, all this emotional energy, and honestly? It felt like I was just digging myself into a deeper hole. I was trying to control something that, deep down, I knew I couldn’t. You can’t just flip a switch in someone else’s heart, you know?
The Big “Aha!” Moment (More Like a Slow Dawn)
There wasn’t a lightning bolt or anything. It was more like a slow, dawning realization. I was exhausted. Completely drained. And for what? I was so focused on trying to recapture something, to force it back into existence, that I’d kinda lost myself in the process. I didn’t even recognize the person I was becoming – all needy and desperate. That wasn’t me. Or at least, not who I wanted to be.
So, I stopped. Just stopped. Not in a dramatic, “I give up on love!” kind of way. More like, I gave up on that specific fight. The fight to make someone feel something they clearly weren’t feeling anymore, or at least not in the way I wanted.
I started small. Picked up old hobbies I’d dropped. Called friends I hadn’t spoken to in ages, just to chat, not to vent about her or him. I started doing things because I enjoyed them, not because I hoped they would notice or be impressed. It was weird at first, feeling like the spotlight was off that one specific goal.
So, What Happened? My Two Cents.
Here’s the kicker. When I finally let go of trying to force that old love back, I actually started to feel… better. Lighter, even. I started to like my own company again. It wasn’t about “winning them back” anymore. It was about winning me back.
Did they come running back with open arms? That’s the million-dollar question everyone wants answered, right? Well, that part of the story isn’t really the point of what I learned. What I truly figured out, and this is just my experience, mind you, is that you can’t make anyone love you. You just can’t. It’s not a project you can manage or a problem you can solve with the right tactics.
All that energy I was pouring into trying to change someone else’s feelings? I started pouring it into myself. Building myself up. And you know what? That felt a hell of a lot more productive. You become a person someone could love, including yourself, when you stop trying to orchestrate the feelings of others. It sounds like a cliché, something you see on a motivational poster, but man, going through it? It hits different. That’s the real practice, I think. Focusing on your own well-being. The rest? It’ll sort itself out, one way or another.
