You know, that whole “how do you feel about me?” thing. It’s a question that bounces around in your head, right? Especially when you’re in a new spot, trying to figure out where you stand. I’ve been there, oh boy, have I been there.
My “Am I a Ghost?” Phase
I remember this one time, years ago, I joined this new team. Super keen, you know? Wanted to make a good impression, fit in, all that jazz. But man, it was tough to read them. Were they cool with me? Did they think my ideas were dumb? I spent weeks, maybe even a couple of months, just constantly second-guessing everything.
My process back then? It was a mess, honestly.
- Overthinking Central: I’d replay conversations in my head. Did that laugh mean they liked my joke, or were they laughing at me? Total nightmare.
- Silent Observation (aka Staring): I’d try to pick up on “vibes.” Body language, tone of voice. Problem is, I’m no mind reader. Someone’s having a bad day, and I’d think it was about me.
- Avoiding the Question: The thought of actually asking? Terrifying. What if they said something I didn’t want to hear? So, I just stewed in my own uncertainty.
The Awkward Coffee Incident
I read somewhere, you know, those self-help bits, that you should just be direct. “Find a private moment,” they said. “Ask gently.” So, I decided to try it with this one senior guy, Mark. He seemed approachable, sometimes.
So, I caught him by the coffee machine. My brilliant plan: “Hey Mark, got a sec? Just wondering, you know, how you think I’m settling in? Am I, like, pulling my weight?” Real smooth, I know.
He just kinda blinked at me. Then he said, “You’re doing fine, kid. Busy day, though.” And off he went. That was it. Fine? What did “fine” even mean? It was like getting a fortune cookie with no fortune inside. It didn’t really tell me much, did it?
What I did next was probably not in the advice columns. I sort of just… kept doing my job. I focused on my tasks, tried to be helpful without being pushy, and slowly, very slowly, started to just chat with people about normal stuff, not just work or my performance.
The Slow Thaw
Turns out, Mark was just a quiet dude. And the others? They were busy, focused. It wasn’t personal. As I actually started contributing, asking relevant questions about the work instead of my own status, things changed. We started having actual conversations. Someone would ask my opinion. We’d joke around without me overanalyzing every syllable.
One day, a few months later, Mark actually came over and said, “Hey, that solution you came up with for the X-project? Pretty smart. Saved us a headache.” That meant more than any forced “you’re doing fine” ever could.
So, What’s My Takeaway?
What I learned from that whole awkward period is that sometimes, you can’t just directly extract “how do you feel about me?” like pulling a tooth. People are complicated. Sometimes they don’t even know, or they’re bad at saying it.
For me, the practice became less about asking and more about doing. Doing good work, being a decent human, engaging genuinely. The “how they feel about you” part often sorts itself out through actions, yours and theirs. It’s not always a big, dramatic reveal. Sometimes it’s just a slow, steady build-up of small things. And honestly? That feels a lot more real than a rehearsed answer over lukewarm coffee.
It’s still a bit scary, sure. But I stress less about a direct answer now. I just try to be someone worth feeling good about, and let the rest unfold. Most times, it does.
