Alright, let’s talk about relationships. Some fella, Doc John somethin’-or-other, he talked about these “Four Horsemen” things that can mess up your get-along. Sounds like somethin’ from the Bible, don’t it? But it ain’t about horses, it’s about how folks talk to each other, specially when they’re mad.
First off, there’s this criticism thing. Now, it ain’t just sayin’ “Hey, you left your socks on the floor again.” That’s just bein’ annoyed. Criticism is more like, “You always leave your socks on the floor! You never think about anyone but yourself!” See the difference? One’s about a sock, the other’s about makin’ the other person feel small and no good. It’s like pickin’ at a scab, makin’ it bleed all over again. And nobody wants that, right?
Then there’s this contempt, which is even worse. It’s like lookin’ down your nose at the other person, treatin’ them like dirt. It’s sneerin’, eye-rollin’, makin’ fun of them. Like, if your man forgets to pick up milk, and you say, “Well, ain’t you just the smartest fella in the world?” That ain’t helpful. That’s just mean. This Doc John fella says this contempt stuff is the biggest reason folks split up. It’s like poison, seepin’ into everything.
- It makes sense, don’t it? Nobody wants to be treated like they’re stupid or worthless.
- We all wanna feel loved and respected, even when we mess up.
- And if all you get is nasty looks and mean words, well, you ain’t gonna stick around for long.
Next up is defensiveness. That’s when you get all riled up and start makin’ excuses instead of listenin’. Like, if your wife says, “Honey, we need to talk about the bills,” and you say, “Well, if you didn’t spend so much on shoes, we wouldn’t have this problem!” That ain’t gonna solve nothin’. It’s just gonna make things worse. It’s like buildin’ a wall between you and the other person, brick by brick.
And finally, there’s stonewalling. That’s when you just shut down, refuse to talk, give the silent treatment. It’s like puttin’ up a big ol’ brick wall and hidin’ behind it. Maybe you’re crossin’ your arms, lookin’ away, or just plain ignorin’ the other person. It’s like sayin’, “I don’t care what you think or feel.” And that hurts, let me tell ya. It makes the other person feel like they’re talkin’ to a brick wall, like they don’t matter.
So, what do you do about these “Four Horsemen”? Well, first off, you gotta pay attention to how you’re talkin’ to each other. Are you pickin’ and naggin’? Are you bein’ mean and disrespectful? Are you makin’ excuses instead of listenin’? Are you shuttin’ down and refusin’ to talk?
If you see any of that stuff happenin’, you gotta stop it right then and there. Take a deep breath, calm down, and try to talk to each other like human beings. Remember, you’re on the same team. You’re supposed to be partners, not enemies.
Instead of criticizin’, try talkin’ about how you feel. Instead of bein’ contemptuous, try showin’ a little respect. Instead of gettin’ defensive, try listenin’ to what the other person is sayin’. And instead of stonewallin’, try openin’ up and sharin’ your thoughts and feelings.
It ain’t always easy, mind you. Relationships are hard work. But if you wanna make it work, you gotta put in the effort. You gotta be willin’ to listen, to compromise, to forgive. And you gotta be willin’ to fight those “Four Horsemen” every step of the way.
Strong relationships ain’t built on bein’ perfect. They’re built on bein’ willin’ to work through the tough stuff together. And that means learnin’ how to talk to each other without tearin’ each other down. Remember what your grandma always said, speak kindly and treat others how you want to be treated, even when you’re mad as a wet hen. It’ll go a long ways, I tell ya.
So next time you’re feelin’ those “Four Horsemen” ridin’ into your relationship, take a step back and think. Is this how I wanna treat the person I love? Is this gonna make things better, or is it just gonna make things worse? Sometimes, just takin’ a minute to cool down and think before you speak can make all the difference in the world.
