Well, now let me tell ya somethin’ ’bout this whole “Distancer and Pursuer” thing. It’s a funny sort of relationship, but it happens more often than you might think. It’s like one person is always chasin’ after the other, tryin’ to get ‘em to pay attention, to show they care, to give a little affection, or maybe just spend some more time with ‘em. And the one who’s bein’ chased, well, they start pullin’ away, maybe not even meanin’ to, but they do. It’s like a game of cat and mouse, where one person wants more and the other person keeps movin’ away.
Now, I reckon you might be wonderin’, “Why’s that happen?” Well, it’s simple, really. The chasin’ person—let’s call ’em the pursuer—feels like somethin’s missin’, like they need somethin’ from the other person, but they’re not gettin’ it. Maybe it’s more love, more time, or just a little bit of attention. And so, they go after it, tryin’ to get the other person to notice and give ‘em what they’re lookin’ for.
But here’s the kicker: When the pursuer stops chasin’, things start to change. Yep, that’s right. When the pursuer finally decides to stop runnin’ after the distancer, things start to settle down a bit. See, the person who’s been pullin’ away—the distancer—they ain’t feelin’ all that pressure anymore. They don’t have to keep distancin’ themselves, because the threat is gone. They don’t need to push the other person away if the other person’s not chasin’ ‘em no more. It’s like peace settles in.
Now, for the pursuer, this might sound a little strange, but the trick is to stop chasin’. Just stop. Don’t go after ‘em anymore. You gotta go live your own life, just like you did before you ever started chasin’ after ‘em. Get back to doin’ the things you love, like spendin’ time with your friends or pickin’ up a hobby you dropped. Focus on your work, set some goals for yourself, and stop thinkin’ so much about what the other person is or isn’t doin’. The funny thing is, when you stop runnin’ after ‘em, they might just start comin’ back to you on their own.
But don’t you get me wrong, it ain’t always easy. This kind of situation can lead to a whole mess of problems if it ain’t dealt with right. I’ve heard folks talkin’ about how these patterns can lead to big trouble in a relationship. Things like constant criticism, where one person is always sayin’ somethin’ bad about the other. Or contempt, where they start lookin’ down on each other like they ain’t worth nothin’. And then there’s defensiveness, where one person just can’t take any criticism without blowin’ up. That’s a dangerous road to go down, for sure.
Now, I ain’t no expert or nothin’, but I can tell ya, a healthy relationship ain’t about chasin’ or runnin’ away. It’s about workin’ together, talkin’ things out, and takin’ care of one another, without all that extra drama. You gotta keep things simple, just like when you’re tendin’ to your garden. You don’t need to chase the weeds, you just need to pull ‘em out when they show up. Same goes for these relationships—don’t chase nothin’, just focus on what you can control and let the rest take care of itself.
So, if you find yourself in a relationship like this, where one person’s chasin’ and the other’s pullin’ away, maybe it’s time to stop and take a step back. Stop the chasin’ and let things find their own pace. If both folks stop runnin’ around, they just might find that things settle down nice and easy.
Tags：[Distancer Pursuer, Relationship, Communication Patterns, Emotional Distance, Relationship Advice, Healthy Relationships, Conflict Resolution, Gottman Theory]
