So yeah, this whole thing started cause my dumbass rushed into butt stuff without any damn clue. Saw some viral video about anal play and thought “how hard could it be?” Spoiler – real fucking hard when you grab the wrong gear. Ended up with this cheap plastic plug from god-knows-where that felt like shoving a cactus up there. Hurt like hell and bled a little. Not sexy.
Beginner Phase Mess-Ups
After that disaster, actually did research. Big realization: lube matters WAY more than I thought. That water-based stuff I had? Dried up faster than my ex’s affection. Switched to hybrid lube – game changer.
Starter Toys That Didn’t Suck:
- Tapered silicone plug: This saved my ass literally. Gradual thickness let me adjust without panic.
- Vibrating prostate massager: Weird at first but damn the tingles! Way different than regular dildos.
- Glass butt plug: Sounds scary but smooth as hell and easy to clean. Favorite beginner find.
Took two months just to stop clenching up every time. Pro tip: Breathe out when inserting – sounds obvious but I kept holding breath like an idiot.
Advanced Toys – Where Things Got Wild
Thought I was hot shit after handling small plugs. Bought this “intermediate” knotted dildo and learned humility. Couldn’t get past the bulge for weeks. Switched to inflatable plugs – finally got that “full” feeling people talk about without crying.
Advanced Gear That Actually Worked:
- Slink toy: Creepy-long but incredible depth play. Takes mad patience.
- T-bar base plugs: Can finally walk around without fear of disappearing toys.
- Curved steel wand: Hits spots silicone can’t. Freeze it for bonus sensations.
Learned the hard way: size queens lie on the internet. Jumped to XL size too fast, ended up back on ibuprofen and ice packs for two days. Stick to 0.25″ diameter jumps max.
What Actually Matters
After two years and too much money:
- Material is non-negotiable – silicone, steel or glass ONLY
- Flared bases aren’t suggestions – they’re survival gear
- Lube shooter = most underrated tool ever
Biggest surprise? The cheap beginner toys got used way more than fancy vibrating stuff. Sometimes simple works best. Also nobody warns you about the “pop” sound when removing plugs. Nearly called 911 the first time it happened.
Final takeaway? Go stupidly slow and listen to your butt. It’ll tell you when something’s wrong – usually by making you regret life choices. Start small or you’ll end up like me – explaining to urgent care nurses why there’s a dragon dildo in your bag.
