Alright, let’s get into this topic, ‘how to make love’. Sounds straightforward, maybe? But man, my own journey with this stuff wasn’t like reading some manual. It was messy, real life hitting you.
You start out, maybe young, thinking it’s all about the physical moves, right? Watched too many movies, probably. I sure did. Tried to copy things, thought there was a secret formula. Didn’t work like that. Felt awkward, disconnected sometimes. Took a while to figure out that wasn’t the main thing at all.
Figuring Out What Matters
The real practice, for me, started when things got tough in other parts of life. I remember this one period, money was incredibly tight. Stress was through the roof. My partner and I were barely talking, just worrying. Intimacy? Felt like the last thing on our minds, or maybe just another source of pressure.
We were living like roommates almost. Passing each other, tired, grumpy. The fancy dinners or planned ‘date nights’ felt fake when we couldn’t even look each other in the eye without sighing about bills. It forced us to hit a reset button. We had to learn to connect again when all the usual ‘romance’ stuff felt impossible or pointless.
That’s when the real ‘practice’ kicked in. It wasn’t about grand gestures anymore. It became about the small things.
- Just Talking: Seriously, sitting down and actually asking, ‘Hey, how are you really doing?’ And then listening. Not trying to fix it, just hearing them.
- Being Present: Putting the phone away. Making eye contact. Showing you’re there with them, not a million miles away worrying.
- Small Touches: A hand squeeze while watching TV. A hug that lasted more than two seconds. Stuff that said ‘I see you, I’m with you’ without needing a big production.
- Finding Laughs: Even when things were rough, finding something stupid to laugh about together. It breaks the tension like nothing else.
- Understanding Needs Change: Realizing that what feels connecting one day might be different the next. Sometimes it’s deep conversation, sometimes it’s just quiet presence, sometimes it’s physical closeness. Gotta be flexible.
It’s Ongoing Work
So, when people ask about ‘how to make love’, my experience tells me it’s less about specific techniques and way more about building and maintaining that connection, especially when life tries to pull you apart. It’s about showing up for each other, consistently, in the small ways. That period taught me more than any ‘how-to’ guide ever could.
It’s not a performance. It’s about vulnerability, communication, and knowing the person you’re with. Took me years, and lots of bumps, to really get that deep down. And honestly? Still practicing. Every single day. You don’t just ‘learn’ it once and you’re done. It grows and changes as you and your relationship do. That’s the real deal I found through just living it.
