Okay, so I’ve been grappling with this whole “control” thing in my relationship for a while now. It’s not like I’m a control freak (at least, I thought I wasn’t), but I realized I had some serious tendencies. So, I decided to actively work on letting go. Here’s how it went down:
Step 1: The “Aha!” Moment
It started with noticing the little things. I always planned our dates, I always picked the movies, and I even subtly steered conversations. I realized I was basically micromanaging our time together. It wasn’t malicious, but it definitely wasn’t fair to my partner.
Step 2: Baby Steps, Big Changes
First, I tried delegating small decisions. “You pick the restaurant tonight,” I’d say, even if I had a strong preference. It was surprisingly hard! I had to bite my tongue and resist the urge to “suggest” (aka, take over). I really started to choose what I give my engery to.
Step 3: The Communication Deep Dive
This was crucial. I sat down with my partner and straight-up admitted I felt I was being too controlling. We talked about why I felt the need to control things (mostly fear of things not going “perfectly”). Having that open conversation was a game-changer. It created a space to support one and another.
Step 4: Embracing Imperfection (Ugh)
This is where things got real. I had to accept that things wouldn’t always go my way, and that was okay. We went to a movie I wouldn’t have chosen, and you know what? It wasn’t my favorite, but we still had a good time. I slowly started realizing that “perfect” wasn’t the goal; connection was.
This is also important. I learned to stop controlling my partner’s choices, I had to also stop controlling his emotions and how things had to be done my way.
Step 5: Focusing on My Own Stuff
A big part of letting go of control was shifting my focus inward. I started spending more time on my own hobbies, my own friends, my own goals. It helped me realize that my happiness didn’t depend solely on our relationship being a certain way. I started to fill my time with what makes me happy.
Step 6: Celebrating the Small Wins
Every time I successfully let go of control, even in a small way, I made a mental note. It felt good! It was like flexing a new muscle, and it got easier with practice. I would actively congratulate my self.
Step 7: It’s Still a Work in Progress…
I’m definitely not “cured” of my control tendencies. It’s an ongoing process. But I’m way more aware of it now, and I’m actively working on it. I’m learning to trust my partner, trust the process, and trust that things will be okay, even if they’re not exactly how I pictured them. I continue to learn each day.
I can say it is a learning process. The most important thing I did and continue to do is just try!
