Okay, so I’ve been thinking a lot about what really makes a relationship tick, you know? Beyond the butterflies and the fancy dates. I figured it was time to actually sit down and figure out what I need in a relationship to truly feel happy and secure. It’s not about being “needy,” it’s about knowing yourself, right?
My Little Experiment: Figuring Out My Needs
First, I grabbed a notebook and pen – old school, I know, but it works for me. I started by just free-writing. Anything that came to mind about past relationships, good and bad. What made me feel amazing? What made me feel, well, crap?
Then, I started listing things. No judgment, just pure brainstorming. I wrote down things like:
- Honest talk: For real, I gotta be able to say what’s on my mind, and I need my partner to do the same. No walking on eggshells.
- Feeling heard: It’s not enough to just hear the words, you know? I need to feel like my thoughts and feelings actually matter.
- Our time: Life gets busy, but we gotta make time for each other. Even if it’s just cuddling on the couch watching a dumb show.
- Support, man: When I’m chasing a dream, or just having a bad day, I need to know my partner’s got my back.
- Being able to be myself : If I can’t be my goofy, weird self around my partner, what’s the point?
- Little surprises: Doesn’t have to be big. A silly text, a surprise coffee…just something that shows they’re thinking of me.
- Physical Affection: I am a hugger. There I have admitted it, holding hands, cuddles all the good stuff.
After making my initial list, I tried to refine these a litte better.
- Communication
- Quality Time
- Support and Encouragement
- Respect and Acceptance
- Affection
After I had my list, I tried to put it into action. I started being more mindful of these things in my current relationship. When I felt like something was missing, I’d look back at my list and try to figure out why. It helped me communicate better, for sure.
For example, I realized I wasn’t feeling very “heard” lately. Instead of just getting frustrated, I used my list as a starting point. I told my partner, “Hey, I’ve been feeling a little disconnected. Can we talk about making sure we’re really listening to each other?” It wasn’t a perfect conversation, but it was a start. And it felt way better than just stewing in my own frustration.
It is a work in progress, but writing all down gave me the starting point. I can work on myself and communicate better with my parnter. I hope my little experiment helps anyone else out there trying to improve their relationships. It’s all about knowing what you need and working towards it, together.
