Hey everyone, it’s your boy back again with another post. Today, I want to share some stuff I’ve been messing around with lately. It’s about relationships and some patterns that can really mess things up. I got into this concept called the “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse” by a guy named Dr. John Gottman. So let’s dive into what I did and how it all went down.
First off, I started by reading up on Gottman’s work. I looked up the definition, “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger.” Then I hit a bunch of articles and watched some videos to get a good grasp of what these “Four Horsemen” are all about. Basically, Gottman says there are four communication habits that can predict if a relationship is gonna tank. These are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. It doesn’t matter if it’s with your partner, your friend, or even your boss—these patterns are bad news.
Getting Started
Once I had a decent understanding, I started observing my own interactions. I tried to be really honest with myself. Did I criticize? Was I being defensive? It was kind of uncomfortable, but also super eye-opening. I began to see these patterns not just in my romantic relationship, but also with my friends and family.
The Experiment
I decided to run a little experiment. For one week, I consciously tried to avoid these four horsemen in all my conversations. I really began to work hard to implement them. Every time I felt the urge to criticize, I took a deep breath and tried to rephrase my thoughts. I paid close attention when they talked, I tried to listen more and really understand what’s they talking about. Instead of getting defensive, I tried to see things from the other person’s perspective. And if things got too heated, I took a break instead of shutting down completely. When they start to talk to me, I will nod or say “yep” to show my attention.
Recording My Observations
I kept a journal to record my observations. Each day, I wrote down specific instances where I caught myself falling into these patterns and how I corrected them. For example, one day my girlfriend was late, and my first instinct was to criticize her. But I stopped myself and instead expressed my feelings without blaming her. It felt weird at first, but it definitely made a difference. We are so happy right now.
The Results
After a week, I started to see some changes. The arguments with my girlfriend got fewer, and we were able to resolve conflicts more calmly. I also noticed that my friends seemed more open and less guarded around me. It was like we were communicating on a whole new level.
Sharing My Findings
I’m sharing this because I think it’s something everyone can benefit from. Recognizing and changing these communication patterns isn’t easy. It takes a lot of self-awareness and effort. But from my experience, it’s totally worth it. I use a lot time to record my daily life and post them on my blog, I also got a lot of good feedback. My followers are all like my changes, some of them even start to learn from me. It is a good start. By avoiding the Four Horsemen, you can build stronger, healthier relationships. It’s not just about avoiding the bad stuff, but also about actively listening and showing empathy. Remember what John Gottman said, “when you are in pain, the world stops and I listen.” This really resonated with me and helped me change my approach.
So, give it a try. Pay attention to your conversations and see if you can spot these patterns. I really want to hear your feedback. It might be tough, but I bet you’ll see some positive changes. Stay tuned for more updates, and let’s keep this conversation going! I will keep sharing my experience on my blog.
