Okay, so, the other day, I was totally confused when my husband started yelling at me out of nowhere. I mean, we were just chilling, and then BAM! Yelling. It got me thinking, and I decided to do a little digging to figure out what was going on. I wanted to share my process, ’cause maybe it’ll help someone else out there.
Figuring Out the “Why”
First, I played back the whole scene in my head. What were we talking about right before the yelling started? Was it something specific, or did it come out of the blue? I tried to remember the exact words he used, his tone, and even his body language. All these little things can be clues.
My Detective Work
- Step 1: The Immediate Aftermath. After he yelled, I tried to stay calm. Taking the deep breath.
I straight-up asked him, “Why are you yelling at me?” Sometimes, just asking directly can clear things up.
- Step 2: Listen, Really Listen. When he started explaining, I really focused on what he was saying, not just how he was saying it. I tried to understand his perspective, even if I didn’t agree with it at first.
- Step 3: Reflecting on My Actions. Next, I took a look at my own behavior. Was I doing something that might have unintentionally triggered him? Was I maybe not listening as well as I thought I was? Sometimes it tooks me a moment, get the self-reflection done.
- Step 4: Considering the bigger picture. I made the notes on my * he stressed about work? Are there other things going on in his life that might be making him more irritable? Sometimes, the yelling isn’t about you at all.
Putting It All Together
After going through all these steps, I started to see a pattern. It turned out that a lot of the yelling was happening when he was super stressed about work deadlines. He wasn’t really mad at me, he was just overwhelmed and taking it out on me. It is frustrated, how he handled it, it will be better to handle it without all the yelling. But understanding the “why” helped me figure out how to approach the situation differently.
Moving Forward
Once I understood the root of the problem, we could start working on solutions. We talked about finding healthier ways for him to deal with stress, like exercising or just taking some time to chill out. And I made a conscious effort to be more aware of his stress levels and offer support when he needed it.
It’s still a work in progress, but understanding the “why” behind the yelling has definitely helped us improve our communication and make our relationship stronger. It is not easy, but do a little bit every day. You will be there!
