My husband, he screams at me. Ya know, like real loud. Not just talkin’ loud, but yellin’, fit to be tied. I tell ya, it ain’t pleasant. It makes my heart thump-thump, like a scared rabbit in a cage.
First off, lemme tell ya, I ain’t no spring chicken. Been married to this man for donkey’s years. And for a good long while, things were… well, they were alright. We had our ups and downs, sure, like any couple. But lately, the yellin’… it’s gotten real bad. Makes me wonder, why does he yell at me all the time?
- Maybe he’s got somethin’ eatin’ at him.
- Maybe he’s just plain mean.
- Maybe I’m doin’ somethin’ wrong, though I can’t for the life of me figure out what.
I ain’t no doctor, but I heard tell that sometimes when folks are feelin’ down in the dumps, they get angry. Like, somethin’ they call… uh… de-pression? Yeah, that’s it. Maybe he’s got that. He ain’t been himself lately. Sleepin’ all the time, not eatin’ much. Just sits there, starin’ off into space. Then, BAM! He explodes. Yellin’ about the smallest things. The coffee’s too cold, the newspaper’s crooked, I didn’t fold the towels right. Lord have mercy!
And it ain’t just yellin’. It’s the words he uses. Mean words. Words that cut deep. Words that make me feel small, like I ain’t worth nothin’. Makes me want to curl up in a ball and disappear. Folks say that kind of yellin’ and carryin’ on is bad. They say it’s… uh… ‘mo-shunal abuse? Sounds fancy, but it just means he’s hurtin’ my feelin’s real bad.
I try to talk to him, ya know? Try to calm him down. Ask him what’s wrong. But he just yells louder. Says I don’t understand. Says I’m naggin’ him. Says I’m the problem. And maybe I am. Maybe I ain’t doin’ enough. Maybe I ain’t good enough. But deep down, I think… I think somethin’ else is goin’ on. Somethin’s broke inside him, and he don’t know how to fix it. So he takes it out on me.
This yellin’, it ain’t good for our… what do ya call it… our ‘la-shun-ship? Yeah, our marriage. It’s like a wall is buildin’ up between us, brick by brick, yell by yell. We used to laugh together. Used to talk for hours. Used to hold hands. Now, it’s just… yellin’. And silence. A heavy, awful silence that hangs in the air like a bad smell. It’s lonely, ya know? Lonelier than bein’ all by yourself.
I worry. I worry about him. I worry about me. I worry about us. This yellin’ can’t go on forever. Somethin’s gotta give. Either he gets help, or… well, I don’t even want to think about the “or”. I keep hopin’ things will get better. I pray. I try to stay positive. But it’s hard. Real hard. When all you hear is yellin’, it’s hard to remember what it was like before. It’s hard to remember what it was like to be happy. And it makes me wonder is yelling a red flag in our marriage? I reckon it is, a big ol’ red flag wavin’ in the wind.
Sometimes, I think about leavin’. Just packin’ a bag and walkin’ away. But where would I go? What would I do? I’m too old to start over. And besides, deep down, I still love him. Even when he’s yellin’. Even when he’s mean. I guess that’s just the way love is sometimes. It ain’t always pretty. It ain’t always easy. But it’s there. Buried under all the yellin’ and the anger, there’s still a spark of somethin’ good. And I hold onto that spark, hopin’ that one day, the yellin’ will stop. Hopin’ that one day, we can find our way back to each other. Hopin’ that one day, the quiet will be peaceful again, not filled with the echo of angry words.
