Why I started thinking about personality
Honestly, this whole thing kicked off kinda randomly for me. I was sitting there one afternoon, maybe back in late January, just scrolling through old photos on my phone. You know how you do that sometimes, wasting time. And I saw this pic of me at a friend’s birthday party, maybe two years back? I looked… different. Not just older or anything, but there was something in my face, my posture. Made me pause. I thought, “Damn, is that really still me?” Started feeling a bit uneasy.
So, I decided to dig a little deeper. I figured the best place to start was my own dang phone gallery. Went way back, like scrolling through years. Here’s what I did:
- Made a list on some scrap paper: “Old Me Stuff.” Totally low tech.
- Opened my photo albums and scrolled, scrolling for ages. Picked out photos where I genuinely looked happy, relaxed, or just felt “like me.”
- Went through my old social media posts – the cringy ones, the funny ones, the angry ones.
- Looked at my saved memes and screenshots, wondering what made me save garbage like that.
It was messy. Found pictures of me hiking trails I wouldn’t touch now, wearing clothes I’d never pick off a rack today, even old playlists full of music I skip over these days. Saw posts where I argued passionately about stuff that barely makes me blink now. Realized how much I used to post about spontaneous trips or crazy cooking experiments. Basically stopped doing all that. Felt weird seeing the evidence pile up.
Got a bit stuck after that. Like, okay, I see differences… but how different? Was it bad? Was it good? Just change? Felt confused. So, I tried something kinda dumb, but it worked. Went into my closet. Seriously, the closet.
Here’s what went down:
- Pulled out clothes I hadn’t worn in ages. Like, my “going out” clothes from pre-2020, random graphic tees, that one ridiculous sparkly jacket.
- Tried them on. Looked in the mirror. Felt awkward as hell in some, surprisingly okay in others.
- Asked myself: “Why haven’t I worn this?” Was it because it didn’t fit? Or because it didn’t feel like ‘me’ anymore? Mostly it was the second thing.
Then I tried the same thing with activities. Watched an old favorite movie that used to crack me up – kinda chuckled now. Tried cooking that super complicated dish I used to nail – totally burned it. Tried listening to my “angry workout” playlist from years back – just made me feel tired and irritated now. It was frustrating! Felt like parts of myself were just… lost.
What I learned from all this messing around
After weeks of this weird little project – staring at pics, wearing old clothes, trying old hobbies – a few things started to click. It wasn’t about being worse or better. The core stuff? Still there. I still care about the same family stuff, value honesty way too much, still hate mushrooms intensely. But how I show it? What feels comfortable? What I find fun? Yeah, that changed a lot, especially since last year. Life happened. Things got heavy for a while. I adapted, pulled back, focused differently without even realizing I was shutting parts down.
The big takeaway? The personality isn’t totally gone, it’s just been… layered over. Covered up by habits, stress reactions, new routines. Finding the old bits felt like uncovering parts of myself I’d forgotten existed, buried under the weight of just getting through recent times.
