Folks are always trying to pin down these big ‘why’ questions, aren’t they? Like ‘why do women become lesbians?’ As if it’s some kind of secret formula you can just write down. One part this, two parts that. Presto. You get it.
Truth be told, I used to chew on that one myself. Probably had a few half-baked ideas floating around in my head, way back when. You hear things, you see a movie, you think, “Ah, I’ve got a handle on this.” But then, life just walks up and smacks you upside the head, shows you that you really don’t know much at all, especially about other people’s insides.
So, what was my journey to getting a bit less clueless about all this?
It wasn’t from some university course or a fancy psychology book, let me tell you straight. It all came down to this one period, must be a good decade or more ago now. I was plugging away at this pretty dull company, you know the type. Endless paperwork, lukewarm coffee, the whole nine yards. And there was this woman in my department, let’s call her Jane. Real quiet, mostly kept to herself. Always civil, but you know, hard to read. An enigma, sort of.
Now, in that place, the rumor mill was always grinding. Who was cozying up to who, who got a promotion they didn’t deserve, all that typical office chatter. And Jane, because she was so reserved, well, people cooked up all sorts of wild tales. Some whispered she was just incredibly timid, others figured she was looking down her nose at the rest of us. I just chalked it up to her being a private person, someone who liked to keep her work life and personal life miles apart. Didn’t give it a whole lot more thought than that, if I’m honest.
Then came the annual company shindig – one of those things everyone says they hate but still turns up for, mainly for the free booze and snacks. And blow me down, Jane actually came. And she wasn’t by herself. She walked in with another woman, and the two of them, they just looked… happy. Genuinely happy. Holding hands, sharing little smiles. It wasn’t some big, dramatic coming-out scene. They were just… them. Together. A couple.
And let me tell you, the office gossips nearly choked on their canapés. You could have heard a pin drop. All their clever little theories about Jane just evaporated into thin air. Suddenly, she wasn’t ‘shy Jane’ or ‘snooty Jane’ anymore. She was Jane, who was clearly very much in love and living her life.
- It really hammered home how much energy we waste trying to stick labels on everyone.
- And it showed me just how clueless we usually are about what’s really going on in someone else’s head or heart.
- We only ever see the little bit that pokes above the water, right?
I didn’t magically get some profound insight into ‘why’ anyone is the way they are. That wasn’t the lesson here. The big takeaway for me was that it’s not really my job, or anyone else’s, to dissect someone’s personal ‘why’. Who they choose to love, how they decide to live their life – as long as they’re content and not causing harm, what earthly business is it of mine? Or yours, for that matter?
I pretty much gave up playing armchair psychologist with people’s lives after that whole thing. Saves a ton of brainpower, believe me. You just sort of… let people be. And that Jane? She actually started to open up a bit more at work after that party. Funny how that works, eh? When you stop trying to force folks into little boxes, they sometimes feel a bit more relaxed just being themselves.
So now, when I hear that question, ‘why do women become lesbians?’ I mostly just think to myself, “Who knows?” Could be for a hundred different reasons, could be for reasons so personal and deep you couldn’t even put words to them. Maybe it’s just… who they are, plain and simple. And that’s that. Trying to pick it apart from the outside looking in feels a bit like trying to bottle fog. Pretty daft, and you won’t catch anything anyway.
