So, me and my partner, we were kinda stuck in a rut a while back. Not big blow-up fights, you know, but just… annoying each other. It felt like we were always pointing fingers, always noticing what the other one did wrong, or what wasn’t getting done.
It was getting pretty tiring, to be honest. Like, all that energy spent on being irritated? What a waste. I started thinking, there’s gotta be a better way to do this. We’re supposed to be a team, right? But it didn’t feel much like it then.
I remembered hearing somewhere, ages ago, probably from some random article or something, that people tend to focus way too much on weaknesses. Both in themselves and in others. And I thought, huh, maybe that’s what we were doing. All focused on the negatives.
So, I decided to try something. Just an experiment, really. I started to actively look for the good stuff. What was my partner actually good at? What did they bring to our life together that I valued? It sounds simple, but man, it was harder than I thought at first. My brain was so used to spotting the problems.
After a bit of just observing, I brought it up. One evening, kinda casually, I said, “Hey, can we try something a little different? Instead of, you know, the usual complaints, what if we told each other what we think the other person’s strengths are? Like, in our relationship.” My partner was a bit like, “Uh… okay?” A bit suspicious, maybe, haha.
The first time we actually did it, it was a bit awkward, not gonna lie. Like, “Um, well, you’re good at… uh… remembering to take the trash out.” Real deep stuff, you know? But we kept at it, just for a few minutes here and there. I’d try to be specific. “I really appreciate how you always make sure we have coffee in the morning, even when you’re super tired. It makes my day start better.”
And slowly, it got easier. We started noticing more things. Not just chores, but personality things. Like, I realized my partner is amazing at staying calm when I’m freaking out about something small. They just have this steadying presence. And they mentioned that I’m apparently good at making them laugh when they’re stressed, which I hadn’t really thought of as a “strength” before, just something I did.
We didn’t make a big formal list or anything, but we talked about these things more often. It became a kind of mental checklist of positives.
What really changed was our focus. Instead of zooming in on every little flaw or annoyance, we started seeing and appreciating what each of us brought to the table. It was like, oh, that’s why we work, despite the little things.
It didn’t make all our problems disappear, obviously. We still have disagreements. But the overall vibe? So much better. It’s like we’re building on what’s good, instead of just trying to fix what’s bad all the time. We started feeling more like a team again, for sure.
It’s funny, once you start looking for strengths, you see them everywhere. It’s like when you’re thinking about buying a certain type of car, and suddenly you see that car all over the road. Same idea. We just had to consciously decide to look for the good bits. And honestly, it’s made a huge difference for us.
