Okay, so like, lately I’ve been feeling super annoyed with my boyfriend. Like, ALL the time. It’s exhausting, and honestly, kinda ruining things. I knew I had to figure out why, so I went on a whole self-discovery journey. Here’s what I did:
Step 1: Just Sit and Think (Annoying, but Necessary)
First, I carved out some time (when he wasn’t around, obviously, because I was already annoyed!). I grabbed a notebook and just started free-writing. I asked myself, “Why am I always mad at my bf?” I didn’t censor myself. I wrote down EVERYTHING that came to mind, even if it sounded petty. Stuff like: “He loads the dishwasher wrong!” “He leaves his socks on the floor!” “He breathes too loudly!” Seriously, it was ridiculous, but I wrote it all down.
Step 2: Spot the Patterns (The Aha! Moment)
After my brain dump, I read back what I wrote. And that’s when I started to see some patterns. It wasn’t just the socks or the dishwasher. It was more like:
- I felt unheard: Like, when I was talking about something important, he’d be on his phone.
- I felt unsupported: I was doing most of the chores and planning.
- I felt like he wasn’t putting in effort: Dates were becoming Netflix and chill…literally just Netflix.
This was HUGE. It wasn’t about the little things, it was about the bigger picture: I wasn’t feeling valued in the relationship.
Step 3: Talk It Out (The Scary Part)
Okay, so now I knew the why. Time for the what do I do about it? part. I knew I had to talk to him. I was super nervous because I didn’t want to sound accusatory or start a fight. I really wanted to fix things. So, I picked a time when we were both relaxed (not when he was trying to watch a game or I was stressed about work). I said something like, “Hey, can we talk about something? I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately, and I wanted to see if we could work on it together.”
I then explained what I was feeling – that I felt unheard, unsupported, and that I missed the effort he used to put in. I used “I” statements, like “I feel…” instead of “You always…” It makes a big difference!
Step 4: Listen (Really Listen!)
This is crucial. It’s not just about you venting. It’s about understanding his perspective too. He was surprised! He didn’t realize I was feeling this way. He said he’d been stressed with work and hadn’t been paying attention. He apologized and said he wanted to make things better.
Step 5: Make a Plan (The Fixing Stuff Part)
We then brainstormed some ways to address the issues. We agreed on:
- Designated “phone-free” time: During dinner or when we’re having a conversation.
- Sharing chores: Creating a chore chart (yes, it sounds lame, but it works!).
- Intentional date nights: Planning one date night a week, even if it’s just something small.
Step 6: Check-In (Keeping Things on Track)
We agreed to check in with each other regularly (like, once a week) to see how things are going. This helps us catch problems early before they turn into HUGE annoyances.
The Result?
It’s not perfect, but things are WAY better. I’m not constantly simmering with anger. I feel more connected to him, and he’s actually making an effort. It’s been a reminder that communication is KEY, and sometimes, you gotta dig deep to figure out what’s REALLY bothering you. So, yeah, that’s how I figured out why I was always mad at my boyfriend and what I did to fix it. Hope it helps someone else out there! Good luck!
