Alright so remember last week when Sam got all quiet? At first I thought maybe I did something wrong. Like did I forget our anniversary? Nope. Burn dinner? Nope. Ticked off about my messy socks on the floor again? Didn’t seem like it either.
My First Instinct Was To Panic
Honestly? I totally freaked out internally. Saw “need space” and my brain went straight to “Oh god, she’s done with me.” Big mistake number one right there. Instead of, you know, breathing? I went into full-on damage control mode.
- Started asking way too many questions: “Are you okay?” “What’s bothering you?” “Did I do something?”
- Tried to be extra nice suddenly – brought flowers, offered massages out of the blue. Felt super forced.
- Kept hovering physically around the house. Like, physically crowding her space while claiming I was “giving space.” Yeah… not smart.
Felt like a suffocating pillow. And guess what? It pushed her further away. She retreated more. Total friggin’ disaster.
Then Came Mistake Two: Over-Talking
After my “nice guy is super clingy” act failed spectacularly? I figured okay, maybe she just needs to talk it out. Another mistake! Sat her down one night and launched into this long monologue.
- “I’ve been thinking about how you need space and maybe it’s because…”
- “If you just told me what I did wrong, I could fix it…”
- Basically, kept interpreting her silence and filling it with my own noise.
Instead of actual quiet space, I was offering noisy, analytical “space” filled with my own worries. She looked exhausted. Shut down completely afterwards. Way worse.
The Low Point: Mistake Three – Stalking Lite™️
This is the embarrassing one. Felt so helpless when the talking also failed that I did the dumb thing. Started low-key monitoring her:
- Checking her location on phone WAY too often (like, embarrassingly often).
- Subtly checking her social media to see who she was interacting with.
- Asking mutual friends vague, fishing questions about her mood.
Just… cringe. Felt like I was trying to solve a puzzle instead of respecting a very basic request: Back. Off. That’s when the guilt hit hard.
The Turning Point: Actually Shutting Up & Sitting Down
I finally got a clue after like, four days of messing up. Realized: Holy crap, I’m making this entire situation about ME and MY fears. She asked for space. That’s it. Needed to give her space. Actual space.
So, literally forced myself to:
- Stop talking about her needing space. At all.
- Physically disappear into another room for chunks of time.
- Stop initiating conversations or plans. Just chilled.
- Accepted some serious radio silence without panicking internally.
And you know what happened? Nothing exploded. The world didn’t end.
The Result (And What I Learned)
Two days after I actually started doing nothing… she came to me. Looked way less tense. Said she just needed a minute to process some big work stress that had nothing to do with me. Appreciated the actual space.
Big lessons learned the hard way:
- Space means SPACE. Physical, emotional, digital. Not half-assed space filled with my anxiety.
- Panicking makes it worse. Every. Single. Time.
- Trying to figure out “why” constantly is invasive. Sometimes people just need quiet.
- True respect is shutting up when asked. Even if your brain is screaming.
Felt like a doofus but glad I figured it out before causing real damage. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone needing space is literally… nothing.
