Okay, so, this has been a tough one to write about, but I figured it’s something that a lot of people deal with, and maybe sharing my experience could help someone out there. The thing is, my husband, he’s got this habit of cussing at me, and it’s been getting worse lately. Not all the time, you know, but when he’s stressed or we’re arguing, it just… comes out.
At first, I tried to just ignore it. Figured he didn’t really mean it, you know? Like, it was just words, and he was just blowing off steam. But then, it started to get to me. It started making me feel small, and worthless, and just really, really bad. It’s not a nice feeling when someone you love is saying hurtful words to you. I wouldn’t want to make him feel like that, so why was it okay for him to do it to me? I don’t cuss at him, and it was really hard to understand why he would do it to me.
Tried talking to him about it
So, I tried to talk to him about it. I waited for a time when we were both calm and not in the middle of an argument. I tried to explain how it made me feel, using “I” statements and all that, like they tell you to do. I told him, “When you cuss at me, it makes me feel belittled, disrespected, and hurt. I don’t like it, and I need it to stop.”
But he just got defensive, said he wasn’t even cussing at me, just cussing in general, and I was being too sensitive. So, round and round we went. I’m starting to wonder if he’s even taking me seriously, like he just thinks I’m making a big deal out of nothing. But it is a big deal to me.
Tried ignoring it
After that, I went back to trying to ignore it, hoping he would just, you know, stop on his own. But he didn’t. It kept happening, and I realized that ignoring it wasn’t working. It was just letting him think it was okay, that I didn’t really mean what I said before. It’s like he just brushes it off, like it’s no big deal. Like my feelings don’t matter.
So, I’m kind of at a loss. I’ve read that you should try to call them out on it right when it happens, be firm, and tell them to stop, but I’m worried that will just escalate things and make it worse.
What I’m going to do now
- Next time it happens, I’m going to try to be more direct. Not in a mean way, but just, like, “Hey, you’re cussing at me again, and I told you, I don’t like it.”
- I’m going to try to stay calm. I know if I get upset, it just makes everything worse. It’s hard, but I’m going to try my best to keep my cool and not yell back.
- I’m going to try to focus on what he’s really trying to say. Maybe he’s not cussing at me because he’s mean, but because he’s frustrated about something else.
- If it doesn’t stop, I might need some outside help. Maybe a counselor or something. I don’t know, but I don’t want this to ruin our relationship. I love him, but I can’t keep living like this. It’s getting to the point where I’m starting to feel anxious all the time, waiting for the next time it’s going to happen. It’s like walking on eggshells, and it’s exhausting.
So, yeah, that’s where I’m at right now. It’s tough, but I’m trying to figure it out. If anyone else has been through something similar, I’d love to hear how you handled it. Maybe we can help each other out.
