Dealing With That Urge
So, yeah. That feeling hits. You know the one. “I wanna have sex.” Simple, right? Except it’s usually not.
For me, it wasn’t just about the physical thing. It got tangled up with everything else. Like, you feel it, strong. But then there’s the whole dance. Is the timing right? Is the mood right? What’s my partner thinking? Are they feeling it too? It’s like trying to run a bunch of different programs at once, and they keep crashing into each other.
Used to think it was just about getting the ‘yes’. Get the green light, proceed. But man, that’s not the whole story. I went through this phase, maybe a year or two back. Things felt… off. Like we were roommates who occasionally bumped into each other. The wanting was there, inside me, loud and clear. But saying it? Acting on it? It felt like trying to push a boulder uphill.
Why was it so damn complicated? I spent ages thinking about this. Was it me? Was it her? Was it just… life? Bills, work stress, kid stuff (if you got ’em), just being tired. All that crap piles up. It buries the simple stuff, the basic human connection stuff.
I remember one night, specifically. Lying there. Wide awake. Feeling that pull, that need. Not just physical, but like, wanting to actually connect. And she’s right there. Sleeping. And the gap between us felt like a mile wide. Tried to talk about it the next day. Awkward. Stilted. Like reading from a bad script. Didn’t get anywhere.
So, what did I do? Well, honestly? Screwed it up plenty first. Got grumpy. Withdrawn. Probably came across like a jerk sometimes. Classic mistake. Thinking it’s just about my need.
Then I figured, okay, this isn’t working. Gotta try something else. Started trying to, like, notice the small stuff again. Not just waiting for the ‘big moment’. Making coffee the way she likes it. Actually listening when she talked about her day, not just nodding. Trying to clear some of that daily crap off the decks, you know? For both of us.
- Started making a point to put my phone down when we talked.
- Tried suggesting small, low-pressure things together, not related to sex. Just walking, whatever.
- Made an effort to just say “thanks” for little things more often. Sounds dumb, but it shifted something.
It wasn’t like flipping a switch. Hell no. More like chipping away at concrete with a teaspoon. Slow. Painful sometimes. Lots of misunderstandings still. But eventually? Things started to thaw out a bit. The conversations got a tiny bit easier. The ‘gap’ didn’t always feel quite so wide.
Doesn’t mean it’s perfect now. Far from it. That urge still hits, sometimes at inconvenient times. The complexities are still there. But the process feels different now. It’s less about demanding something, more about… building something? Rebuilding? I dunno. Still figuring it out, day by day. It’s messy. You just keep trying to make the damn thing work without it all falling apart.
