You know, people always talk about having a wide network, tons of friends, connections everywhere. I used to be all about that too. More the merrier, right? Well, life has a funny way of teaching you things, and sometimes it’s not about the numbers game at all.
My Big “Just One” Experiment
There was this one period, things were just… a mess. Personally, professionally, you name it. I felt like I was spread so thin, trying to keep up with everyone and everything, and honestly, I wasn’t really connecting with anyone deeply. It was all surface level stuff. So, I kind of stumbled into this, didn’t plan it out like some genius move, but I ended up focusing almost all my relational energy on just one relationship. Not because I’m some kind of relationship guru, but more out of sheer necessity and, frankly, because I was just plain exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone.
This wasn’t a romantic thing, by the way, though I guess the lessons could apply there too. For me, it was a really complicated friendship. We’d known each other for ages, but things had gotten… well, weird. Lots of misunderstandings, unspoken resentments, that sort of thing. You know the type. Normally, in the past, I might have just let it drift, or kept up the polite act while feeling annoyed. But this time, I thought, no, let’s actually try to figure this one specific connection out. My thinking was, if I can’t even get one important relationship right, what’s the point of having a hundred shallow ones cluttering up my life?
The Nitty-Gritty of “Focusing”
So, what did “focusing” actually mean in practice? It wasn’t just about sending more texts or liking more posts. It was hard work, man, let me tell you.
- Actual Listening: Like, properly listening. Not just waiting for my turn to speak or planning my response. I really tried to shut up and just hear what they were saying, and sometimes more importantly, what they weren’t saying. It’s amazing what you pick up when you stop interrupting.
- Hard Conversations: We had them. Awkward? You bet. Uncomfortable? Absolutely. But we talked about the stuff we’d been sweeping under the rug for years. I had to be honest, really honest, even when it was tough and I knew it might not be well-received.
- Showing Up: Not just physically being in the same room, but being mentally present. When we spent time together, I made a conscious effort to put my phone away. I tried to be genuinely there. It felt weird at first, almost too intense for what I was used to.
- Understanding Their World: I made an effort to see things from their perspective, even when I totally disagreed with it. That was a killer, probably the hardest part. My ego took a beating, more than once.
What Came Out of It?
Well, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses immediately, not by a long shot. There were moments I thought, “This is pointless, I’m just wasting my time and energy.” Sometimes we’d argue more, sometimes there’d be these long, uncomfortable silences for days. But slowly, very slowly, things started to shift. We actually started to understand each other on a different level. The relationship didn’t magically become perfect, because, let’s be real, no relationship is. But it became real. Deeper. More solid than it had ever been.
The biggest surprise for me? It wasn’t just about that one friendship. Pouring so much into understanding one relationship taught me a hell of a lot about all my relationships, and about myself. It taught me about patience, about real empathy (not just saying the right words), about the kind of effort genuine connection takes. It’s like, I learned a new language, and suddenly I could understand bits and pieces of human interaction I’d been completely missing my whole life.
Now, I’m not saying everyone should ditch all their friends and become a hermit with just one buddy. That’s not the point at all. But that intense focus on one, just for a while? It was like a masterclass in human connection. It really showed me the stark difference between quantity and quality. Before this whole thing, I was basically collecting contacts. After, I started trying to build actual connections. Even if it means fewer, even if it means it takes longer.
So yeah, “1 relationship.” Sometimes, digging deep in one spot is way more rewarding than scratching the surface in a hundred places. That’s what my practice taught me, anyway. It wasn’t some grand strategy I read in a book, just something I fell into out of a bit of desperation, and I’m genuinely glad I did. It kind of rewired my whole approach to people.
