Okay, so I kept messing up relationships, right? Always got dumped after like three months. Felt like women spoke some secret language nobody taught me. Decided to actually figure this out instead of winging it.
Phase 1: Just Asking
First, I straight-up asked female friends: “Yo, what do you actually want from guys?” Got answers like “respect” or “good listener.” Felt like those canned job interview replies. Knew there was more under the surface.
Phase 2: Stalking Stories (Not Creepy Kind)
Started paying attention when girls vented about dating. Joined coffee hangouts just to listen. Noticed patterns:
- Sarah got mad when her boyfriend “forgot” her work presentation day – not about the date night, but him not remembering her big stress.
- Jen dumped a guy because he never asked follow-up questions when she talked about her photography. She felt like “background music.”
Phase 3: The Brutal Surveys
Made an anonymous Google Form – zero fluff questions, like:
- “What tiny thing makes you feel ignored?”
- “When did you feel genuinely cherished lately?”
Sent it to 30+ women I knew wouldn’t sugarcoat. Jaw dropped reading answers:
- One wrote: “He remembered I hate cilantro. Ordered my tacos without it. That felt hotter than flowers.”
- Another said: “Texted ‘How’d that dentist appointment go?’ Out of nowhere. Felt seen.”
Phase 4: My Own Guinea Pig Era
Tried implementing this crap. Dates felt like lab experiments:
Test 1: Asked about her sibling’s job interview she mentioned weeks prior. Her eyes lit up like Vegas signs. “You remembered that?!”
Test 2: When she canceled plans ’cause her cat was sick? Sent a dumb meme about grumpy cats instead of whining. Got: “Lol you’re the only guy not mad at me rn.”
Test 3: Failed spectacularly. Tried “fixing” her work problem. Got the death stare: “I just needed to vent, not get a TED Talk.” Lesson: Unless she asks, shut up and nod.
Phase 5: Connecting the Dots
After months of this, the pattern slapped me:
- It ain’t about grand gestures. It’s micro-moments of feeling like a real person to you.
- “Attention” doesn’t mean staring at her – it’s remembering the cilantro, the dentist, the crappy coworker’s name.
- Respect = taking her seriously when she’s pissed, even if you think it’s “small.”
What Happened?
Started doing this consistently? Stopped getting ghosted. Current girlfriend straight-up told me: “You actually give a shit about the boring parts.” Turns out that’s the whole point. Wild, huh?
