My Messy First Try
Last Tuesday, my cousin Alice messaged me outta nowhere. Just two words: “Lost it.” Man, my stomach dropped. I panicked. Didn’t know what the heck to say back. Sat there staring at my phone like an idiot for ten minutes. Finally typed some garbage like “So sorry to hear that. Let me know if you need anything.” Felt so stupid and useless hitting send. Like handing someone a bandaid when their whole house burned down. She just replied “Thanks.” Dead end.
Realizing I Needed a Better Plan
That night, her words just echoed in my head. “Lost it.” I knew my weak tea response wasn’t cutting it. Saw a friend mention miscarriage support online next day. Clicked it, started googling like mad. Read actual stories from women who’d been through it. Biggest shock? Almost everyone said the generic “I’m so sorry” stuff makes them feel worse. Ouch. Felt like kicking myself. Also learned people often disappear afterwards because they feel awkward. Damn. Didn’t wanna be that guy.
Forcing Myself to Do It Better
Thursday morning, grabbed my keys, drove straight to her place. Didn’t text first. Figured she might say no. Knocked. She looked terrible – red eyes, messy hair, drowning in a hoodie three sizes big. Before I could chicken out, I just opened my arms. Hugged her hard, the kind that probably hurt. Whispered real slow: “This totally sucks. I don’t know the right words. Just came to sit in the suck with you.” Felt her whole body relax a tiny bit.
Sat on her lumpy couch. Noticed the baby books stacked neatly, spine uncracked. Asked, real quiet, “Wanna tell me what it’s been like? Or just wanna sit?” She looked at the floor. Took her like three whole minutes. Then, it all spilled out – the hospital noise, the hormone tornado. I kept my mouth shut. Just nodded. Made sure she saw me wiping my eyes once. Didn’t need to say “I get it.” She saw I was listening.
Before leaving, did something practical. Saw her fridge was practically empty. Didn’t ask annoying questions. Just said: “Gonna grab groceries. Give me your keys – I’ll be back in 30.” Brought stuff that didn’t need cooking: microwave soup, yogurt, bread, comfort snacks. Tossed the receipt away so she wouldn’t worry about cash. Plopped the bag on her counter. “Stuff that doesn’t need thinking. See you Saturday?” Got a real “Yeah” that time.
What Actually Works (No Fluff)
Failed first. Stumbled. Learned. Here’s the bone-simple stuff that mattered:
- Show up physically. Don’t ask permission, just go if you can. Texting “thinking of you” is weak sauce.
- Shut up and listen hard. Zero advice. Zero “God’s plan” junk. Just “It sucks” and eye contact.
- Fix one small, stupid problem NOW. Food? Walking their dog? Clean their dishes? Do it quiet. No performative charity.
Saw Alice Saturday. Still hurting bad. But she met my eyes. Said the groceries were the only thing she ate Wednesday. That hug? That trash TV we watched without talking? Said nobody else did that. They disappeared. This crap isn’t complicated. Just be a human, not a greeting card. Forget finding perfect words. Show up. Be awkward. Do something real. They’ll never forget it.
