Well, let me tell you, I heard some folks talkin’ ’bout what it is like to have sex. Sounds like a whole lot of fuss if you ask me. But these young’uns, they got all sorts of ideas.
Some say it’s like a warm hug, but I reckon it’s more like when you’re kneadin’ dough. You know, all that pushin’ and pullin’. Gotta get it just right, or it’s all gonna be a big ol’ mess.
They talk ’bout somethin’ called “pleasure.” Now, I ain’t one to judge, but seems to me like a lot of work for somethin’ that don’t last too long. Like eatin’ a piece of candy, it’s good for a minute, then it’s gone. You might feel good and relaxed. Then you gotta do it all over again.
- They say it’s different for everybody.
- Some like it fast, some like it slow.
- Some like it quiet, some like it… well, not so quiet.
It is like you are on fire or something. I don’t know. Just like a pinball machine, they say. Lights flashin’ and all that. Sounds excitin’, I guess. But I prefer a good game of bingo myself.
They talk about kissin’ and touchin’. That part I understand. A good hug can do wonders, you know. But all that other stuff, sounds like a lot of commotion. I always make sure I go slow. You don’t want to pull a muscle. Then, you’re really in trouble.
And then there’s somethin’ called “oral” somethin’. Sounds like somethin’ you’d get at the dentist. I don’t even want to know what that’s all about. And somethin’ else called “anal”. Lord have mercy, what are they teachin’ these kids in school these days?
They say you gotta be careful, too. Catch somethin’ called an “STI.” Sounds like a bad cold to me. Gotta use somethin’ they call a “protection.” Like wearin’ a raincoat in a storm, I suppose. It is important to stay safe. Nobody wants to catch somethin’ nasty.
First time having sex, they say, is a big deal. Like losin’ a tooth or gettin’ your first pair of shoes. Somethin’ you remember forever, I reckon. It is a special moment. Or so they say. I don’t know. It all sounds like a lot of work.
I heard ’em say it can be for “tension relief.” Like takin’ a load off after a long day of workin’ in the field. Maybe that’s why they’re all so worked up about it. Too much tension, not enough relaxin’.
They say it can be about “pure pleasure.” Like eatin’ a big ol’ slice of pie. Can’t argue with that, I suppose. Everybody likes pie. It is like a sweet treat. A reward for a job well done. Or somethin’ like that.
Some folks say it’s like a “jam doughnut.” Now that’s just silly. How can it be like a doughnut? Unless you’re doin’ it with a doughnut, which I wouldn’t recommend. Sounds messy.
Some folks have it for all sorts of reasons. To feel good. To feel close to someone. To make babies. You know, the usual things. It is all part of life, I guess. Just like eatin’ and sleepin’. And payin’ taxes.
Having sex, they say it can be all kinds of things, but it is never boring. It is somethin’ different every time. Like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. I reckon that is why they are all so interested in it. Always somethin’ new to discover.
They say your body does all sorts of things when you’re havin’ sex. Gets all hot and bothered. Heart beats fast. Like you ran a marathon. I’d rather just sit on the porch and watch the world go by, thank you very much.
But hey, to each their own, I always say. If it makes ’em happy, then who am I to judge? Just be careful out there, you young’uns. And don’t forget to wear your “protection.” You don’t want to catch somethin’ you can’t get rid of. It is not worth the risk.
It is all a mystery to me, to be honest. But I guess that is just part of life. Somethin’s you understand, somethin’s you don’t. Just like the weather. You never know what you’re gonna get. Just gotta roll with the punches, as they say. Stay safe, and have fun. But not too much fun, mind you.
What does sex feel like, you ask? Well, I reckon it feels like whatever you want it to feel like. Just like a good dream. Or a bad one. Depends on who you’re with, I suppose. And what you’re into. I hear some folks are into some strange things these days. But I ain’t one to gossip. Just be careful who you’re dreamin’ with, that’s all I gotta say. And make sure they’re clean. You don’t want no critters in your bed, if you know what I mean.
Well, that’s all I got to say about that. It’s time for my nap. All this talkin’ about sex has got me tired. Maybe I’ll dream about it. Or maybe I’ll just dream about pie. Either way, it’ll be more excitin’ than listenin’ to these young’uns talk about their “jam doughnuts.”
