Okay, here is my story about my experience of xxx rape:

So, I got this thing in my head that I needed to try, you know? It’s called xxx rape. I heard about it from some random stuff online. Basically, it’s about getting forced into doing stuff, sexually. Sounds messed up, right? But I was curious.
First, I started digging around to understand what it really is. The stuff I found said it’s like, when someone makes you do sexual things without your okay. They can use force, or trick you, or just plain overpower you. It can happen in all sorts of ways, like with your private parts or even with objects. The main thing is, it’s not something you agree to.
Then, I thought, how do I even get into this? I realized I needed someone I could trust, but also someone who’s into this kind of thing. So, I talked to a few people, and finally, I found this one person who seemed to get it. We chatted a bit, made sure we were on the same page about what’s cool and what’s not, you know, boundaries and stuff.
Next, we planned out how it was gonna go down. We picked a place where we both felt safe, and we came up with a safe word, just in case things got too intense and I needed to stop. It was kinda weird planning this, but also kinda exciting.
When the day came, I was a nervous wreck. But we went through with it. They started doing things to me, things I wouldn’t normally let anyone do. It was intense, and scary, but also… I don’t know, kinda hot in a weird way. We kept going until I couldn’t take it anymore and I used the safe word.

Aftermath
- After it was over, I felt all sorts of things. Confused, mostly. I mean, I asked for it, right? But it still felt wrong in a way.
- I talked to the person I did it with, and we kinda unpacked what happened. It helped a bit to talk about it, I guess.
- I also looked up some help online, like places where you can talk to someone if you’ve been through something like this. It’s not easy to find someone who gets it, you know?
Looking back, I don’t know if I’d do it again. It was a lot to handle, emotionally. But it definitely opened my eyes to how complicated this stuff is. It’s not just black and white. There are all these shades of gray, and it’s easy to get lost in them. I guess the main thing I learned is that you really gotta be careful with this kind of thing. And always make sure you’re really, truly okay with what’s happening, even if you think you are beforehand.