Why We Tried Scenario Sex Tonight
Honestly? My partner and I got bored watching Netflix reruns again. I stumbled across this scenario sex thing while scrolling through relationship forums last Tuesday. People kept saying it spices things up without needing fancy toys or cash. Figured why not test it ourselves since Friday nights are usually pizza-and-pajamas mode anyway.
How We Planned This Shit
Grabbed a notepad after dinner and brainstormed like we were prepping for a school project. Rule number one: pick scenarios that don’t need costumes because our closet’s just band tees and sweatpants. Rule two: no cringe roleplay dialogue – we’re not Shakespeare actors. Finally chose five setups that sounded doable:
- Detainee & Officer: Used handcuffs from that embarrassing 2018 Halloween costume
- Massage Parlor: Rummaged through bathroom drawers for massage oil (ended up using coconut cooking oil – don’t judge)
- Awkward First Date: Cleared junk off the coffee table, lit one sad candle
- Doctor Checkup: Stethoscope from our kid’s toy kit + my reading glasses as “professional” props
- Strangers at Bar: Turned living room lamps red with party bulbs, poured cheap vodka into fancy glasses
What Actually Went Down
Tried all five scenarios back-to-back like idiots. First up was Officer thing: cuffed my partner to the bedframe, but she kept giggling when I pretended to “interrogate” her with our TV remote as a mic. The massage bit got messy – coconut oil stained the sheets and I slipped climbing on the bed. Felt like a slapstick comedy.
Best moment? The fake first date. We sat opposite each other nerding out about Star Wars like actual teenagers. When I “made the first move,” the candle knocked over and scorched the sofa cushion. Burnt polyester smell killed the mood for a solid three minutes.
Doc scenario was quick since our kid started banging on the door asking why the stethoscope was missing. The bar act saved the night – turned off all lights, blasted 90s hip-hop, and danced badly before things got heated. Liquid courage helped.
Lessons Learned (The Real Tea)
Ended up tangled in oily sheets laughing like hyenas by 1 AM. Takeaways?
- Scenarios don’t need perfect setups – half-assed props create funnier memories
- Stop worrying about looking silly. That coconut oil smell won’t leave our mattress though
- Actual outcome >>>> Pinterest-worthy fantasies. Our couch now has a battle scar
Gonna try the bar scenario again next week. Maybe invest in actual lube this time.
