Okay, so the other day, I was thinking about what happens when my husband yells at me. It’s not a fun topic, but it’s something I’ve had to deal with, and I figured maybe sharing my process could help someone else out there.
First thing I did was try to stay calm. Seriously, this is the hardest part. When someone’s yelling, your gut reaction is to yell back or get defensive, but that just makes things worse. So, I took a deep breath – like, a really, really deep breath – and tried to just listen.
Figure Out What’s Really Going On
- Sometimes, the yelling isn’t even about what it seems like. My husband might be stressed about work, or tired, or something else entirely. So, I tried to figure out the root cause.
- I asked him, gently, “Is everything okay? You seem really upset.” Just trying to get him to open up about what’s actually bothering him.
Set Some Boundaries
Now, staying calm doesn’t mean I let him walk all over me. I made it clear that yelling is not okay. I said something like, “I understand you’re upset, but I can’t talk to you when you’re yelling at me. Can we talk about this calmly?”
Take a Break If Needed
If things got too heated, I took a break. I literally just walked away. I told him, “I need a few minutes to cool down. Let’s talk about this later.” And I went to another room, or even went for a quick walk around the block. Giving us both some space usually helps.
Talk It Out (Calmly)
Once we were both calmer, we tried to talk it out. Key word: tried. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. But the important thing was to communicate, to explain how I was feeling, and to listen to what he was saying. It could sound something like, “When you yell, it makes me feel scared/anxious/unappreciated.” Use “I” statements. And I also tried to hear his side of things, even if I didn’t agree with it.
Consider Getting Help
If this was a constant thing, or if things got really bad, I knew I might need to get some outside help. Maybe talking to a therapist, or a couples counselor, someone who could help us communicate better. There is no shame in that.
It’s a tough situation, and there’s no magic solution. But this is what I’ve done, and it’s helped me manage things. It’s all about trying to stay calm, communicating, setting boundaries, and knowing when to take a break or get help.
