Okay, so I’ve been seeing a lot of questions popping up online about couples counseling, like, what actually happens in those sessions? So I thought I’d share my own experience, from start to finish. It wasn’t pretty, but it was real.
The Beginning (aka The Breaking Point)
My partner and I, we hit a rough patch. I mean, rough. We were constantly bickering, snapping at each other, the whole nine yards. It felt like we were living on separate planets. We tried talking it out ourselves, but it always ended up in a screaming match or the silent treatment. Finally, I was like, “We need help. Professional help.”
Finding a Therapist
I went online, and I found serveral results, and picked one to start.
I also asked some close friends if anyone can recommend me a therapist. luckily one of my friends did give me a contact.
The First Session (aka The Awkward Intro)
We walked into this therapist’s office, all nervous and tense. The office was…cozy. Lots of neutral colors, soft lighting, you know the drill. We sat down on this big couch, and the therapist, let’s call her Sarah, started with the basics. “So, tell me what brings you here.”
Cue the floodgates. We both started talking, sometimes over each other, about all the things that were going wrong. Sarah just listened, taking notes, occasionally asking us to clarify something or to give an example. It was messy, I won’t lie. We were both defensive, pointing fingers, the whole “he said, she said” thing. It was uncomfortable airing our dirty laundry, but it was also kind of a relief to finally get it all out.
The Middle Sessions (aka Digging Deep)
Over the next few weeks, we kept going back. Sarah started to help us unpack some of our patterns. We learned about things like “communication styles” and “attachment theory” – stuff I’d never really thought about before. She gave us exercises to do at home, like practicing active listening (which is harder than it sounds, let me tell you!).
Here’s a breakdown of some of the things we worked on:
- Identifying our triggers: What sets us off? What pushes our buttons?
- Learning to communicate better: Using “I” statements instead of blaming each other.
- Understanding each other’s needs: What did we actually want from the relationship?
- Rebuilding intimacy: This wasn’t just about sex, but about finding ways to reconnect emotionally.
It wasn’t all sunshine and roses. Some sessions were really tough. We’d leave feeling drained, sometimes even more frustrated than when we went in. But slowly, gradually, we started to see a shift.
The Later Sessions (aka Seeing the Light)
We started to actually listen to each other, instead of just waiting for our turn to talk. We started to understand where the other person was coming from, even if we didn’t always agree. We started to apologize, to forgive, to actually work on things together.
Sarah helped us develop tools and strategies for dealing with conflict in a healthier way. She gave us a “toolbox” of techniques, like taking a break when things got heated, or using a specific phrase to signal that we needed to de-escalate.
The Outcome (aka It’s Not a Fairytale, But It’s Real)
We’re still in counseling, but it’s different now. We’re not in crisis mode anymore. We’re more like…maintenance mode. We’re learning how to navigate the ups and downs of a long-term relationship in a way that feels sustainable.
It’s not perfect. We still have disagreements. But we’re communicating better, we’re more understanding, and we’re more committed to working through things together. Couples counseling didn’t “fix” us, but it gave us the tools we needed to fix ourselves. And that, I think, is the whole point.
