Alright guys, just finished this kinda wild experiment today and honestly, my neck kinda hurts but it was worth it. Figured I’d actually try out what all those articles talk about, you know? That whole “What Guys Like During Sex” thing. Seen that headline everywhere, so screw it, time to get hands-on. Full disclosure, my partner was… let’s say… suspiciously patient. They definitely owe me one.
Getting Ready for Weird Science
First thing this morning, I sat down with my coffee and actually opened one of those clickbait articles everyone scrolls past. Big shocker – it basically listed six “must-try moves”. Felt pretty generic honestly, stuff like “mix it up” and “eye contact” but I needed specifics. I scribbled down the main points they pushed:
- Focus on the neck
- Mix it up with oral / touch
- Stronger touch, not ticklish
- Be more vocal (apparently grunts are good?)
- Eye contact – seriously? That’s a move?
- Dirty talk (Oh god…)
Printed it out, felt ridiculous, and stashed it under the damn bed like a porn mag from the 90s. Partner was giving me the side-eye all evening, knew something was up.
The Actually Trying It Out Part
So later, lights dimmed, usual stuff starts. My brain is half on autopilot, half screaming “THE LIST! THE DAMN LIST!”. Okay, neck thing first. Article claimed guys go crazy for neck attention. Started kissing there like I was trying to find a lost button, probably seemed more like an overzealous vampire. Got a muffled “That’s nice?” – not exactly the earth-shattering moan the article promised. Filed under ‘Meh’.
Then the “mix it up” crap. Trying to switch between using my hands and my mouth constantly felt like I was juggling awkwardly. My partner finally snapped, “Dude, pick something!” Total fail on finesse. Back to baseline for a bit.
Article screamed about using “stronger touch, not featherlight crap”. Went full-on deep tissue massage mode on the shoulders and back. Got an “Oh yeah, right there!” Okay! Points for the article. Definitely saw actual results there. Less tickle, more push.
Next up? Being vocal. I’m usually quieter, so forcing out some… noises… felt ridiculous. Think like a bad porn parody grunt. Partner straight-up laughed. Mortifying. Negative points. Never again.
Eye contact moment arrives. I locked eyes intensely. Felt like a staring contest during the most awkward high school dance. We both cracked up. Failed miserably but at least it broke the weird tension.
Saved the scariest for last: Dirty talk. My mind went totally blank. Managed a whispered, “Uh… you like that?” Sounded about as sexy as asking if they wanted fries. Partner just sighed and shook their head. Epic cringe. Lesson learned – stick to my strengths.
What Actually Stuck (And What Didn’t)
Right, so the autopsy:
- Neck focus? Mildly positive, maybe needs refining.
- Mixing it up? Disastrous. Stick to fluid motions.
- Stronger touch? Absolute winner. Kept doing this.
- Being vocal? LOL no. Leave it to the pros or the genuinely uninhibited.
- Eye contact? Funny fail, not sexy. Maybe quick glances?
- Dirty talk? Nuclear levels of awkward. Hard pass.
Funniest thing? Afterwards, we talked and laughed about the whole ridiculous experiment. Partner confessed they could tell I was “following some weird script” but appreciated the effort (and especially the shoulder rub). Honestly? Trying the “stronger touch” thing genuinely made a noticeable difference. The rest? Mostly comedy gold or total flops. Real talk? You really can’t force chemistry with some checklist. Those articles mostly oversimplify the hell out of real connection. Still, one useful tool in the bag ain’t bad, right?
